Went travelling for the first time without symptoms…

I went travelling for the first time without any symptoms yesterday. This is such a great milestone for me.

While I have travelled many times during the acute withdrawals, once to the Caribbean and once to other cities in my country, I was in so much chronic pain and experiencing extreme severe symptoms, it was highly dangerous. I also got a driving job during my withdrawals that was basically all travelling, but I had to quit due to extreme neurological symptoms and seizures.

I did about 800km by car and had a blast. I was highly anxious as it was my first time being around crowded places and so many people, but that went away once I treated myself to a nice lunch at a restaurant. Anxiety was gone after that.

I came prepared with a crisis plan as travelling after benzos would trigger me into severe symptoms, flashbacks, ptsd, but none of that happened on my trip.

I did experience positive flashbacks that reminded me of the person I used to be before the Benzos. This inspired me and gave me motivation that I finally have my life back and can do all the things I want to do. It also triggered a lot of anger that they could do this to an innocent, healthy, and vulnerable person who simply was going through severe grief after losing a loved one. I’ve never in my life ever have been this sick. By they, I mean the medical professionals that f***ed up my body and mind.

It was amazing to have my full cognition and memory back. I remembered navigational skills, where I parked my car, how to navigate streets again etc. It was also nice to socialize with strangers again. I even treated myself to shopping at various stores and spent too much money.

I grew up travelling and spent my entire life on the road. I thought I would never be able to do this again.

Wanted to spread some hope. I am 100% looking into doing extreme exposure therapy now to get back to my previous life as well as go back to my career.

I am basically 100% symptom free but still experience seizures and I haven’t been able to fully stop them from coming. I only know my triggers and how to protect myself. I’m hoping with time they will eventually go away because I cannot except that benzos gave me some form of epilepsy.

That being said I have realized that isolation is not the best recovery strategy and that socializing, being around people and different places really helps the brain to recover and helps the cognition. There was absolutely nothing I could do for 3.5 years and I understand how difficult that can be.

I wish you all peace and healing in your recovery. ❤️‍🩹

Lorezapam 2mg, took daily or as needed for 4 months. Valium 5mg took twice daily for 10 months. Quit CT.