Lost my dad never been the same

A little over 5 years ago I lost my father at 64 years of age. I was 34 years old and had lived with him pretty much my entire life. My parents divorced at a young age and I was always closer to him so I lived with him. He went from living well, had retired from a family business and had good amount of money. It went from him living well to him having diabetes, highblood pressure, copd, among other health problems. We went from living well to living dollar by dollar with my father on disability and me working a low paying job from home taking care of him.

In his last years he was pretty bad. He had both legs amputated and went to the restroom in a urinal or needed help to get on the toilet. All his food was made either by me or was premade and the last years were tough. I wasn't the perfect son, I had my problems including drug use among other stuff, however I was always there for him. One day I woke up and went to go say good morning, he wasn't in his bed and went and looked in the restroom and there he was. Dead on the bathroom floor like he was trying to get on the toilet.

Since then its been a living nightmare. I gained epilepsy which has yet to be under any control and I pretty much lost my life. I had to move in with my mother which I never had a relationship with and lived with her for a few years doing well, got a girlfriend and was actually making money trading stocks. Then one day to another my mom said, you are moving out. She got me an apartment in the slum of my city with no input from me if I could put in money for a better place. In that move I have pretty much lost all my income I was making from trading stocks from having to use that money to survive. I lost my girlfriend because she was grossed out and disgusted by my living environment and I don't blame her. Guess what is happening? I am drinking alcohol more, started smoking cigarettes again and im starting to give up. Is this what life is?