I feel lost in life. I'm 25 and feel I've got no future

I've never been in a real relationship for a start. I've had a few women I've genuinely cared about, but I ruined the situation with the best woman I've ever met. I hurt her so badly that she doesn't even really wanna talk to me anymore, and it's been years since we talked. I was absolutely, undeniably wrong in the situation and I am a horrible person for what I did to her, and I've been kicking myself over the situation every day since. She's an amazing woman that's since gotten married and had kids. I'm beyond happy that she's found happiness in life and that makes me happy.

After her, it's been nothing but downhill on the dating scene. Every relationship feels like I'm losing more and more of myself. All hope slowly burning away like a cheap candle. It's like I'm at the end of my wick with trying to find something real and it's depressing. Every relationship I've been in has resulted in me getting cheated on and left.

The only common denominator here is me, I know I'm the issue. I don't know exactly why I suck at dating, but I can't do it. The longest relationship I've had is 3 months and I know as a fact that if I date again, it won't go any better. I either need to give up on dating entirely or just come to terms with the fact I won't be the only man she's with. It's happened with almost a hundred "relationships" by now, and I've lost count with how many 2 week runs I've had.

I know I'm a shitty guy, but I don't know what about me is shitty if that makes sense. I've tried changing multiple aspects about myself and doing better based on what I conceptualize to potentially have been an issue in any of my relationships and it still always ends the same way. I'm always nothing to any woman I meet, just some boy toy that gave her attention.

I feel so burnt out and so lonely at the same time. I just don't know what to do. I've only just recently tried dating for the first time since 2023, and it was as horrible as ever. She wanted me just for sex and that was it. I wanted long term and she just wanted a new man for the night.

For about 2 weeks, her and I flirted, got close, and I got to know a decent amount about her. We gamed, we did video calls due to distance, and we planned to meet up this month in person and get some one on one time. As things progressed, she was telling our mutual friends that I treat her bad and only want her for her body (the complete opposite of what my goal was) and I calmly set her straight on that. She hasn't responded to my dms since. I made my stance clear that I don't want sex until I meet the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. She was not enthused. We've hung out a few times since regardless as I was indirectly invited to game with her via her and my cousin. My cousin has also taken me to spend time with her at her job, which she said she enjoyed. I met her mom and all too.

When my cousin took me to meet her in person for the first time in a couple years, I remembered a promise I made to her back on May 15th. She told me her favorite flowers were lilies and I brought her a fresh picked one solely to fulfill the promise I made to her. I had promised before our falling out that the next time I saw her in person, I'd bring her a lily. She sheepishly took it and I later found out she just threw it in the garbage after I left.

I sent her a dm to her yesterday saying that I felt bad about how things went down between us and I miss spending time with her and being close to her. I admitted fault for how things ended and said I'd be willing to try to patch things up by hanging out in person more, and she didn't respond.

Instead of replying to the dm, she was talking to her mom, my cousin, and another one of their coworkers about it and the fact I'm a virgin at 25. She decided she does wanna take me up on the hangout and we're gonna meet at noon tomorrow to play Pokemon Go.

My two cousins and her mom are all saying I should just have sex with her at this point and then everything will all just work out, but I'm not looking for casual sex.

Her mom gave my cousin a condom to give to me and now I've got that in my wallet with no plans to actually use it. I plan on just enjoying spending time with her as a person instead of just a quick dopamine hit and that's it. I enjoy spending time with her when it's not romantic or sexual, as she's a genuinely fun person to be around. I just don't know though, maybe I'm overthinking the value of virginity? Maybe I should just do what everyone says and give her what she originally wanted? I just value her more as a friend and a person than in a sexual way.

All in all, I'm 25 now. Even if I do choose to remain celibate and try to find something real, I know it's not gonna work out. I'm not a good guy. Women don't want me, and women my age are becoming extremely scarce. It's like 25 year old women just all disappeared from the world and the closest women I can find to my age are either 20 or 40.

I don't have a job, I don't drive, I still live with my mom, and I've got a myriad of mental issues that I do my best to keep away from anyone I know irl. I've sought therapy for those issues and my chronic depression, but never found any resolution. I just feel like my life as a whole is a dead end and it's all hopeless. I'm not gonna find the happiness that everyone around me does. I've seen 12 marriages this year alone and there's nothing but more and more relationships surrounding me. It's awkward seeing everyone you spend time with finding someone and you becoming an awkward third wheel that just can't fit in when hanging out anymore. Everyone just looks at me with pity and tells me to get a girlfriend so our friend groups can finally be normal again instead of just sad and pathetic.

I've just got no control on anything in life and isolation seems to be the only thing that makes sense anymore. Nobody is gonna tell you you're the odd man out if it's just you there, and you can't third wheel when you're going solo. I know I can't find anything real or healthy, so maybe I should just slip away from my friend groups and be myself.