I am so confused lol

I'm feeling stuck and having no one to talk about this is very annoying. I am 26 (f), never had a relationship, had 4 dates, 5th planned.

I am feeling very confused by my sexuality and even though I am familiar with comp het, I kinda gaslight the things I recognise. So here is the deal:

As a teen I never dated, simply it didn't interest me. I'm not sure whether that was because I wasn't adult enough yet, I got chronically ill and was busy with other things or if it had to do with men/boys just being uninteresting to me. Let's say though, I was not interested in boys and simply "chose" a crush for myself to feel like I took part in it too. I never seeked anything out and my first date ever was when I was 24. I also have not had my first kiss yet, and that is something in general that has scared me a lot, men have been a scary topic weirdly. The idea of a man seeking me out still makes me extremely uncomfortable and I don't know why. To make it clear, it is not any form of trauma as nothing ever ever happened. I just have had this since I was young.

What confuses me most is, I have had one date with a man (and one planned tomorrow which is why I am laying awake pondering, not sure what that says) and 3 with women. I find it incredibly difficult to learn more about my sexuality. The 3 dates with women were, admittedly, not good dates. One was good, and I did like her but the talking was very draining to me being not in my native language ( I learned that haha)

And the others just felt like it dragged on for too much and even though I liked the way they looked, the spark was not there. But the 1 man I dated, the spark wasn't there either but I did notice way more that I was occupied with things like "what would people say if we were together" and how would that look where as with women I am I guess a bit more neutral and wanting to just get to know them

So in my dating experience I am not sure what I like. However, my awakening was when I saw a woman walking that is totally my type and for the first time ever I had the "wow oh my god" feeling everyone is talking about when they see someone cute. and I still sometimes (not often, if anything I do know looks is not my main attraction) have that, but only ever with women. i can admit a man looks good, and can feel vaguely interested but it is differenr and it more so feels like "he will do" or it's a thing of imagining how my family would like him. To be clear, I have never felt true attraction to a man.

Now that I have a date planned with a man again, I just feel confused so much I can't sleep. I do not want to go, but I am gaslighting myself I guess into thinking that is normal or that jt is nerves. I want clarity, I am so confused having so little experience and i am so confused having so little knowledge and not really a friend to talk avout this to (I feel awkward).

In terms of relationships, I think I see myself more in a relationship with a woman, except when it comes to marriage, that is something I always dreamed about and I do struggle to visualise that but that may be due to standard visualisations. When I do watch media like the ultimatum it does weirdly feel more for me than hetero reality tv does, even though I also like to watch that but more in a "fun to watch" way

What would this say to you about me? Anything you want to share with me? Have you always felt attracted to every date or is it not as common as I make it out to be in my head? If you identify as bi or lesbian/gay how different does jt feel? Did you in the realisation process also feel the pressure of society influenced in a similar way?

Help lol