How to support my fiancé

Hey guys!

I’m a 24 year old woman engaged to a 29 year old LEO, and we are expecting our first baby right now. Ive tried in the past to stay self reliant and be the strongest partner I can be, but a lot has gone haywire over the last handful of months. I recently went through a massive family crisis (multiple family members involved in a huge betrayal/crimes included, and I’m no longer speaking to any of my family except siblings), and I’ve also just had a rough pregnancy. I’ve been really sick, had to stay in the hospital at one point, and haven’t been able to cook, clean, or do much at all.

My fiancé says this is all okay - I’m doing the hard work of growing a whole new human, after all - but I can tell he’s been struggling. He’s seen a lot of awful things at work, but has always coped by making dark jokes and assuring me he has the proper people to reach out to even outside of just me. However, some months back, he responded to a really awful incident shortly before I got pregnant. I think it may have been a sort of breaking point for him (and probably would be for a lot of people, it was bad). He’s dissociated a lot of the time now, and it’s hard for him to hear people when they talk to him. It’s starting to be noticed by other family members and friends, not just me, and people have expressed worry. He doesn’t sleep well but also doesn’t get out of bed much, and he doesn’t eat as much as I used to see him eat. When I’ve needed immediate, urgent help regarding the baby or me being sick, there have been times I’ve had to ask his siblings
instead because I couldn’t keep him fully awake and conscious enough. I can feel his shame over feeling like he is failing to be the provider every time this happens, and the guilt seems to worsen the cycle. He’s honest with me that he’s not happy at his job anymore. We don’t fight, he doesn’t drink, and he’s still affectionate with me, but it feels like he’s mentally “away” a lot of the time. Years ago, I went through a traumatic event and was diagnosed with PTSD, and his symptoms remind me some of my own from that time.

I am in a place where I need support right now because I’m vulnerable, pregnant with his child, and have a lot of stress. But, he is also very obviously really, really struggling. I want to support him, but don’t want to corner him and force him to talk when he insists he’s fine. I don’t want to be a burden to him, but know if I pull away and manage my own stuff privately that it won’t be good for our relationship long term, and he’ll cause distance. He has said in the past he is nervous about reaching out to a therapist connected to his workplace or insurance in case he’s diagnosed with a mental issue, and he doesn’t feel he can be fully transparent with them. Alongside all of this, potential job opportunity that would be amazing and directly related to one of his biggest passions has opened up. He’s considered pivoting, and I’ve made it very clear I support him no matter what he chooses, but most of all, I want him to be healthy and happy.

From the perspective of someone working in law enforcement - is leaning on him for support right now going to cause harm directly to him? How can I make sure he knows he can talk to me, if when I approach him he always says he’s fine? Should I press him to talk with a professional, in spite of his concerns? Is this the sort of thing that can be worked through, or would shifting careers make sense?

I’ll likely delete this post later in case he frequents this sub, I really don’t wanna embarrass him, but I also felt like this would be a good group to ask what to do. Thank you all.