Advice lol

So I have autism and am still a teen mostly, IDK whether to believe in god or not but due to my black and white view I have to treat the chances as 100% to avoid punishment.

I hear judgement day is coming very soon according to YouTubers like R3alism or not a menace. I’m agnostic, I kinda have a weird relationship with Christianity, I know I’m probably not saved, I sin a lot, im gonna stat with this.

I have kinda a weird history or life, I kinda have trust issues and when I was 10-11 I kinda went thru some messed up stuff during Covid lockdown (won’t really get too deep into it but it was at home, not news or virus)

So recently on YT, I get videos from a YouTuber called R3alism, it had a video saying

”5 reasons you might hear depart from me if judgemental day happens soon”

one of the reasons is auto generated sounding prayers. I’m not a creative person and I kinda have idk, like I have numbness and cant identify what my heart says is what scares me and even Christian’s who think they have faith can still go to hell. I’m not a Christian so chances are even slimmer for me for heaven.

I also have like 1000 thoughts a millisecond and am a pessimist so idk, I’m gonna be judged for that and likely stuff like that.

So I’m just wondering if I’ll be tortured eternally for an infinite duration for just idk, auto generated prayers or accidentally keeping my eyes open or not idenfitying my heart.

Im really asking if this is all rrue and stuff like that, I could just as easily ask a priest but I kinda have bad experiences in church like being shushed for asking questions at 2.