Apples 

I’m very fortunate for the body I do have! (This is probably the most personal thing I’ve vented about)

However there are so many quirks my body has.. my anxiety is crippling at this point, doesn’t help that I have a last minute trip across the globe I’m going to!! 

I hate how anxious I get out in public! If I’m chilling somewhere that’s not near my bathroom I am on edge. This definitely worsened since Covid because I have trouble eating in public and not tensing up… and I’m about to be 3,000 miles away after a 14 hour flight!!!

*I’m mentioning bodily functions if you don’t want to read* I have a lot of anxiety surrounding my “stool”, what if I do go, what if I don’t, what if I do and it’s diarrhea? What if I take long and people notice! What if there’s no bathroom?THERES ALWAYS SOMETHING 

I’m so hyperfocused on my stomach. I just saw my bf right before my trip and it was going fine, I use the bathroom in public and I’m like cool I went… but why is my heart racing more than usual. Then I realize I’m not done going, and my mind and stomach are so connected that if I feel that sensation I start having anxiety ticks of me “croaking” me trying to burp but not being successful, i instantly get air hungry too…

I ended up using his bathroom for a bit which I had done once before in my past and I’m irritated it’s happening again… i started having a different consistency stool and I started freaking out! His bathroom also has no AC so I was sweating…. Google says it happens when food doesn’t absorb enough water and exits too fast… WHY though???? 

I just wanted to cuddle with him before my trip I’m so annoyed with the timing… I was only able to for a few minutes but those were spent me trying to not freak out and tell myself everything would be fine and normal…

What’s annoying too is it’s this vicious cycle of anxiety! I wonder how much of the physical sensations are just a result of my anxiety!?

Idk, I’m so annoyed with myself. I’m annoyed when I can’t spend more time with him. He is very chill and caring of my anxiety etc but I worry it’ll drive him away 

I’m hoping after this trip my anxiety will level out…

I’m so annoyed with my body rn