(14M) Disgusting And Ugly

I made a post on this subreddit a bit ago, talking about my hygiene and hair after my mother passed away, and I wanted to give an update.
I have started washing and focusing on myself more than I used to. I’m still not where I want to be, but I’m not only showering once a month anymore. I know that it’s progress, but it just doesn’t feel like enough.
The problem is that I still feel disgusting all the time. Even after I shower or wash my hair, I can’t stop feeling dirty. Looking at myself just makes me feel gross, and it’s hard to believe that just washing myself a bit changes anything.
I always feel sad and disgusted with myself, and I feel like everything is helpless.
Something that confuses me is that some people compliment me. They tell me my hair looks nice or that I look good, but I just can’t believe them. It feels like they’re lying or seeing something completely different from what I see. When I look in the mirror, all I see is someone dirty and ugly, no matter what anyone else says.
I’m still trying, but it’s hard not to fall back into old habits when I already feel so awful about myself. I don’t really know why I’m posting this. I guess I just wanted to be honest about where I am now.
Please give help or advice.