[QCrit] TOKOYO: THE LAND BEYOND THE SEA, Young Adult Fantasy, 70k words (1st Attempt)

Hi all! I've been a lurker on this sub for quite a while, and now as I approach finishing the first draft of my (first!) book, I finally have my own contribution to share! The book is still a WIP, but I've made a tremendous amount of progress on it this summer, and recently I started outlining the query letter. I'm sure the housekeeping could be nicer, and I still need to do research on better comps, but I think it's a start, at least!

Dear [Agent],

TOKOYO: THE LAND BEYOND THE SEA, is a 70,000 word Young Adult fantasy novel about a girl’s sojourn through Tokoyo, the crossroads of life and death where souls who harbor lingering regret come to rest. It contains a setting similar to Samantha Sotto Yambao’s Water Moon fit for a younger audience and a narrative voice reminiscent of The Otherwhere Post by Emily J. Taylor. It is a standalone with series potential. 

Fifteen year old Hanayoi is a bubbly, impulsive violinist, who, in the midst of preparing for a cross-country move, falls through the Earth and into Tokoyo—while still alive—and must search for a way to return home, lest she be trapped betwixt life and death forever. In her confusion, she accidentally unseals Star, a mysterious misanthrope who learns that their power to manipulate space has vanished. While Star is distrustful of Hana, they agree to cooperate with her in order to search for their missing power and the gods of Tokoyo—the goddess of dreams and the god of fortune, respectively—and to help Hana find a way home. 

While searching for Star’s power, the pair stumble upon the shackled, cancerous blight of Tokoyo - a ghoulish amalgamation comprised of pure regret. They are met by the god of fortune, who divulges a horrifying truth: that the goddess of dreams has long perished, and that what Hanayoi knows as the atomic bombings were indirectly responsible for her death. Wrought with guilt, Hana blames herself for the actions of her kind. Star, meanwhile, is overcome with grief for the goddess of dreams. Hana must work through her own grief if she is to help Star overcome theirs. But the cancer of Tokoyo feeds on regret, and they risk it metastasizing beyond control and threatening all of Tokoyo as well as Hana’s chances of returning home when it feasts on the sentiment they have left.

I am a student majoring in public health at [college] in [state]. My experience with parental loss at a young age inspired the novel’s exploration of human mortality, grief, and the regret we carry. This would be my debut novel.

Thank you for your consideration,

[Real name] (writing as [Pen name])