I Don't Want to separate. I Just Don't Know What Else to Try.

Assalamu alaikum,

I'm looking for sincere Islamic advice because I feel stuck.

My wife and I have been married for almost 10 years. We married for love, have two children, and I moved to the UK after marriage as we grew up in different countries. Alhamdulillah, we have a good life together. We go on holidays, enjoy each other's company, and she tells me she loves me and finds me attractive. There are no known medical issues. Everything feels good, until intimacy comes up.

The problem is that intimacy has always been rare, and over the years it's started affecting the rest of our marriage. I've tried calm, honest conversations, improving myself, helping more at home, cooking once or twice a week, cleaning, doing school pickups and drop-offs, and sharing the mental load. I work full-time while she works part-time from home, so I don't think tiredness or housework is really the issue. I also suggested marriage counselling, but she wasn't willing to go.

When I bring up intimacy, she says love shouldn't depend on sex, that she already shows me love in many other ways, and that I should accept that. Eventually the conversation ends, and I feel guilty for even raising it but its causing massive issues in other parts of life, i become distant after each refusal and now have started getting detached and drifting apart.

I haven't spoken to family or friends because I don't want to expose our private life. I'm not looking for people to tell me to divorce her either. I fear Allah, we have children, and I genuinely want to know I've exhausted every halal option before even thinking about that.

From an Islamic perspective, what is realistically left for me to try? At what point can someone say they've done everything they reasonably could without wronging their spouse?

JazakAllahu khayran.