1 month in and am struggling.. ahh!!!

IM intern. I feel a lot of emotions rn coming off inpatient and am just kinda unsure how to feel.

1. I’m intensely anxious all the time. I trip over my words presenting to my team (though oddly enough not to patients). I know it affects my ability to care for patients and focus on my tasks. My program has some In-house counseling I’m meeting with this week but I’d benefit from both coping skills and meds.

2. I just feel overwhelmed by all the things I have to do. I can’t think deeply about my patients save for admits, where I have been able to do more but still make mistakes. I feel like I make mistakes in the day to day or read too fast through results. I haven’t missed anything truly crazy but I want to be able to do the little things automatically.

My attendings keep saying I am too harsh on myself and so do my seniors. I think this is somewhat true but I think I just feel behind. Theres so much I have forgotten, so much I don’t have time to read about. I am starting to get a sense for the big picture for patients at times and others I just have issues integrating everything at a truly high level. I’ve been asking my seniors for help, I’m never afraid to ask a question, etc. I want to get better and I recognize that’s going to take time and help from others here. It just sucks.

This is less “please help” and more of me needing a safe space to produce word vomit. I know many have felt like me, I just want to be a better doctor.