Over him but not

I’d like to say I’m still healing. I don’t think anyone prepares you for your first rls. The amount of energy you put into it because you think it’s going to be this fairytale. It’s been 2 years and I still feel forever broken from what’s left of me afterwards. Whats crazy is idek if I loved him maybe I did bc I tried ti get into something a couple months after him and after seeing he had someone and it wasn’t the same like I think I was still healing and I js didn’t care when it ended and maybe I was burnt out and he started showing similarities idk but that was 8 months and

It took me awhile to stop checking his and her accounts everyday, and I still find myself checking sometimes. It was National GF Day yesterday and ofc they still tg, and he looks happier and like idk… it’s not that I wish him to not have anyone. But it was right after we broke up and he’s doing everything for her, and I’m just tired of being the girl that makes him better for the next. He legit made me wait 6 months out of the year we were tg to ask me like I still feel so sick at what I endured just for it to not work out and he changed for someone else . I try to replay in my head everything that happened but as a trauma response I tend to forget what happend but not the pain I felt. I was crashing out for 3 months and almost didn’t pass my last year of college. Idk I could go on abt this but yeah that’s all I have to say for now and I’m js stilll searching for my someone