The Moment of Truth

Take your time, Hurry up

Choice is yours, don't be late

I'm choosing me. I've chosen me. You know I want you, but I am no longer begging for it. I am no longer lowering myself to make you feel bigger. I've shown you that I love you. I've shown you that I'm entirely capable of growth and change. I've shown you that I'm willing to go to extreme lengths to prove that.

What was I shown in return for all of that? Nothing. What did I hear in response to opening my heart to you? Silence. What reason did you give me for your actions? None. Yes, we both know you have tried to here, cryptically and without risking anything, as well as other places. You're a very intelligent person Ash and you have to know that what you're doing only serves to wound me further. You know my weaknesses, because I have openly provided them to you. Stop using them to hurt me or you're going to push me away and I will not come back this time. Cause and effect are still in full affect.

The time is fast approaching that, if you really value and love me the way that some of these writings suggest, that you're going to have to swallow your pride and be courageous. If you want this like I do, IT IS YOUR TURN TO SHOW IT. I have said it over and over at this point, but I have a decade left if I'm lucky. No matter how much I love you and want you, I will NOT spend the remainder of those years begging for scraps of attention from you. I can make every excuse imaginable for your behaviors and actions (or lack thereof) but at the end of the day I have to ask "are you building and creating with me, or are you against me and destroying me"?

I deserve to receive the same love I put into the world, and a twist of ironic justice, I **have** gotten exactly that. I'm growing though, my love is evolving, and my needs along with that.

I don't care how anyone else wants to view or criticize what I'm saying. Call it threatening, call it abusive, call it manipulative, tell me what love really is, yada fucking yada, blah fucking blah. I'm still the only one out here being openly vulnerable without fear.

If you want this, it's time to move it into reality and out of the fantasy land of the internet. I'm actively making attempts to move on and I know you see it. Again, you have whatever time my poor ability to flirt provides, but it's not eternal. I WILL find someone in due time. I'd rather it be you, but you're giving me plenty of indication and signs to doubt that you feel the same about me. I see loads of signs that scream to me that you want me to move on and leave you alone. I just hope it's what you really want because you're about to get it.