Im broken

Ive realized no matter how hard I try to be a good person, turn mt life around and help people be empathetic ect my mind just reverts back to this animalistic state of " dog eat dog". I feel like I have a perspective on the world from my military experience and time incarcerated that ive been in a world of survival so long my brain is permanently broken. My relationships suffer. I cant let anyone close. I feel like everyone around me is blind to what's happening in front of us. I feel like everyone else is crazy for not thinking like me after ive seen what ive seen. I dont want people to have to see the things ive seen to know what i know but its just so hard living everyday. Going to work pretending like everything's OK listening to everyone else enjoy the things in life I used to find joy in and I cant anymore. It makes me so angry and so jealous of there happiness. The only thing I can feel is anger so much anger. I just want to be normal.. just like everyone else I guess its just not my life. Thanks for letting me vent before work this morning.