I [18F] am very self-aware with my shortcomings toward my boyfriend [19M] but I don't know how I can do better

TLDR

My perfectionist, assertive, and impatient tendencies weigh on my boyfriend. But I also sometimes feel lonely in our relationship because we aren't spending much quality time together and the repeating cycles of us discussing the same problems that arise between us about communication. I want to do better and treat him like how he deserves to be treated while also feeling better about my needs being met.

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My boyfriend and I have been dating for 14 months and were in a talking stage 6 months before that. We are LDR as we are in university, but we see each other for a few days monthly. These past few months, we have gotten in a few misunderstandings and long talks about our relationship and where things go wrong. These conversations are usually something I start to address something about what he does that bugs me, like how it takes him hours to reply sometimes, when he seems uninterested in our convos, and how it's been difficult for us to have quality time with each other. I've been feeling a sense of disconnection because I feel like I'm the only one trying hard enough to make our relationship alive. Amidst all these things though, I expressed to him that I am aware and understanding of his situation. I know that he isn't much of an expressive guy and that he's busy with all the things going on with our studies, and that of course, he also needs some 'me time'. He does update me and we talk, but i feel like it's not really connecting us because everything is about academics and it feels routine and not personal anymore. I've been communicating this with him a few times whenever I feel lonely and overlooked. He does apologize sincerely and reply to every sentence to show he understands me, but I feel like it will be hard for him to really reconstruct his behavior. I know he's trying but I still feel like we haven't resolved the problem.

I also want to point out that when we're together, sometimes the feeling of disconnection fades, but I still feel like the time we spend together isn't as meaningful as I'd hoped. we often hang out in our house with my mom in front of us so we're basically just scrolling reels together and not talking much. we can't really play games too since he's not a fan of that.

The problem really is that I always take initiative to talk about these things, but I always feel guilty and bad whenever he feels like I'm pointing out his imperfections. I have the tendency to be controlling and demanding, and I also know that I express my emotions and thoughts to him in a rather straightforward and hurtful way.

He's a really great boyfriend and does his best to make me happy. He updates me everyday

Just recently, we got to hangout together and talk about our feelings openly. He expressed his observations of how unkind I've been compared to when we first started dating, how easily I get angry at him, and how decisive I am without considering his opinions (like when we're deciding on food and what to do). He also noticed how colder I've been since I didn't say goodnight or I love you before going to sleep anymore.

I expressed to him that I've been decisive and colder because he couldn't be decisive and he became colder too. I become impatient with him because sometimes he doesn't have a sense of urgency and takes way too long to decide on things, which is the reason why I decide for us instead. When we're back in LDR, he usually falls asleep without messaging me too, so I decided to stop and mirror what he does since he seemed okay with that. Oftentimes, I tell stories about my day in our chats while he's asleep, and he responds the next morning. I became fine with it and tried to do the same. I compromised because I don't want to do too much and don't want to demand too much from him knowing our busy schedules and workload.

We are great for each other. I've always thought that we are perfectly compatible because of our goals and interests. We were great best friends before we were us.

Lately, I've just been feeling like when we're LDR, we were more like friends instead of a couple because of how low maintenance things get sometimes.

I don't want to be too controlling, high maintenance, and mean toward him because I know he's just doing his best. I don't want him to feel like I'm abandoning him every time I point out something he does wrong. At the same time, I want to unlearn the way I think, in a sense where I don't feel like I want to take a break from him every time I feel like I'm disregarding my feelings and demands to feel loved. I want to stop expecting too much from him because I know he's been feeling drained because of it on top of his own personal problems.

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What specific steps can I do to be better? In terms of controlling my temper, learning how to communicate better, and being less of a high-maintenance partner

How can I communicate such concerns to my boyfriend without him feeling bad about himself? How do we end the cycle of always bringing up the same problems?

To older couples out there, please let me know your thoughts on how you resolved similar issues or what you did.