Why does healing from a Cesarian feel so incredibly hard

I just needed a space to be sad.. but I had an emergency C section on July 29th, so I’m currently I guess 4 days post surgery. I’m not angry about having to have the c section. I know it was what was best for my baby and after how terrifying it was seeing his heart rate drop over and over I would have done anything to make sure he was okay.

My issue is just.. all the other stuff that comes with it. Sometimes I forget to take my tylenol and wake up almost incapable of moving because i’m in so much pain. I can’t sleep any other way than sitting up because if I lay flat, I can’t get up to take care of my baby without being in pain. I feel useless because I can’t do anything I want to do besides feed and hold baby. I can barely wipe myself, take a shower, or even put my own damn pants on. That’s just the beginning! I keep crying because I want to be helpful and I want to sleep restfully and comfortably with the small opportunities I have.

For me, it isn’t so much emotional grief of my birth not going my way, but it’s mainly just feeling useless and sad because I’m in so much pain.