Starting Again

I was suspended at work for 4 months, now they decided to terminate me.

Reason: because of borrowing money

Since I work in financial industry, I do understand that what they want to protect, but there’s NO FRAUD happened in my case— just borrowing money from a friend that happened to be a customer and co-worker.

I know I was financially irresponsible— for allowing people to borrow my funds to the point ako na yung nalubog and need mang hiram to tapal the dues and a lot more. I blame myself all the time for this, I should’ve known better! Sana kagaya na lang nang dati na tipid ako, hindi nagpapahiram at simple lang. Ganun lang. It happened last year pa but I carried everything— binayaran lahat kahit tapal tapal at napahiya basta nabayaran, then this May I got suspended, now I am not terminated.

During my suspension, I am anxious to get back since I’ve been judged for borrowing money kahit binabayaran ko naman— good thing my coworkers are not exposed for borrowing money too. They know who to trust.

Now, I feel like a real failure since I got suspended. Parang wala akong laban na where in fact I did borrow lang to survive but I am paying naman. Yun lang, naikwento lang sa isang co-worker, hanggang sa dumating na sa manager ang kwento then raises it to the HR.

Hindi ko alam— how to start again, how to cope with this after losing the job na ginusto mo na rin, how to sleep w/o regrets, and how to continue living despite of my failure.

I want to work as soon as possible. This career I lost may hunt me for the rest of my life but I want to remind myself it happened for a reason— it had to happen so I could grow.