so, my boyfriend just told me that he cheated on me with his best friend

he gaslit me for 8 months into thinking that what him and her had going was just a friendship. I eventually overrode my intuition and discernment, and chose to trust him instead. yesterday he called me, and told me that he was really really sorry and that him and her crossed some boundaries a month back and that he regrets it so much.

whats insane to me is that after cheating on me, he introduced me to his mother, told me he loved me for the first time (we'd been dating for 7 months at this point, and neither of us had said it before). he told me he loved me AFTER he cheated on me. that just feels so cruel. at least he felt enough guilt to tell me about the cheating later.

anyways, I dumped him. hes the first person I fell in love with so this feels extremely hard. I want to yell at him and scream at him, I want him to hold me in his arms when I cry, I want to go back to how it was to what it was like before

im finding it extremely hard to find will to do anything. I cant eat, I cant sleep, I keep crying at work and cant get anything done. I told all my friends and family about it already, so that even if I feel the urge to give him another chance, theres no way they would let me.

most of all, I feel so stupid for choosing to trust him instead of trusting my own intuition.