MUJHEY NEEND NHI AATIIIII

I am a teenager. I have school and the next four years of school are what will decide my success in career. After COVID ended, I was left with an insanely messed up routine. I slept at 7 am and woke up at 5 pm. So when school started I found myself extremely tired. I usually slept around 3-4 hours in fifth grade before school, and then 3 hours after school. Obviously I was extremely groggy and made up for this sleep deprivation over the weekends. I was told that once I start going to school my sleep schedule will fix itself. Biggest lie I was ever told. My sleep schedule got worse and worse over the years. By sixth grade, I stopped napping in the afternoon so that I could sleep early, which never happened. Mostly because of lack of will power and desire to sleep when everyone was awake and together(father comes home from work at 8). I wanted to sleep at 10 pm. Things stayed like this until seventh grade. I started those afternoon naps again because I knew "sleeping early" was not gonna happen. I had a six month gap before eighth grade started because of school change and stuff. My routine was awful. I realised that things can't go on like this if I want to score in ninth and tenth grade. This routine left me so tired and exhausted that I couldn't understand a thing during school and was constantly, CONSTANTLY fidgeting(usually shaking my leg to the point where itd hurt). My eighth grade finals are in may. I did at one point of this school year sleep at 10 pm but that lasted one night. Family gathering happened(god knows why these start at 10pm) and I found myself awake at 3 am, greeting the last guests goodbye. I kinda gave up for a long time after that. Now finals are near and I had to do something. So I stayed up all night, in hopes to sleep and stay asleep the next day. I slept at 7:30 pm the next day, barely fighting sleep. Of course I wake up at 2 FUCKING AM. Now I can't sleep. This is day four of trying this method. It's 4:16 am. I have to get up for school at 6:15 am. I am fucking tired. Legit had a mental breakdown yesterday out of frustration. I have tried everything. trying to slowly shift my sleep, counting numbers backwards. counting sheep. staring into the abyss. focusing on the sound of the fan. meditating. tensing then releasing my muscles. praying. pulling all nighters. I can't take sleeping pills cuz I'm too young. can't wait to grow up and be able to take em. my mother says I have a monkey mind that's constantly working multiple jobs at a time. like rn as I'm writing this a song is running in the back of my head( and the winnerrrrr, takes it allllll🎶, very fitting song for this situation). I envy people who can sleep in seconds wherever they want. also once I do sleep at the time my body wants to (4-6am) I sleep pretty good. deep sleep. just not at the right time. no matter when I sleep I wake up at 2 am these days. Apparently I've been nocturnal ever since I was born, my mother suffered and now I myself am suffering. What do I do. (Also probably have an eating disorder cuz I hate the thought of eating food even though I'm not insecure. I don't really eat or like to eat, only eating to not be in pain of starvation)

Thank you for listening to my rant.