I just want to feel desired

I can’t say for certain but I don’t think anyone has ever really wanted me, not as a friend, partner or sexually. I honestly want to feel attractive the same way I feel that women are. I know it’s and but I like the attention even from creepy guys. Im only 18 so I knwo I’m young but I don’t knwo how this will improv. I just feel so unattractiv, not because of my looks really but just cause I’m so boring and bad at everything. I really don’t know how to pursue a relationship so I wish someone would just do it for me. I really struggle to admit what I want too so I just wish someone would just tell me what to do, even force me honestly. I have a lot of fantasies about very dominant women who just do what they want with me, because that way I feel very desired and I don’t have to worry about what to do because they take the lead. Even being insulted or hurt makes me feel good if it shows how much they want me. I don’t really know what to do about this.