As y'all may recall, Fred is the beloved of Wilma, and doesn't join his friends when they all come badger me together around 5 PM

Fred shows up on his own schedule, such as at 6:30 in the morning when I am barely a member of this universe 

He screeched into the kitchen window for like 5 minutes before I accepted that he was not going to shut up, and when I shambled into the hallway this is the indignant face I was met with. 

A crow, judging me, a 35 year old woman in hello kitty jammies with semi-permanent pink hair dye tattooed on 56% of my not-quite-corpse.

I should have abandoned him, but instead I refilled the crow bowl with his favorite: 1/2 cup of puppy kibbles soaking in warm water, with furnishings of dried sardines and two peanuts just for Fred for being a patient boy. 

By the time I was ready for work, the bowl was empty and all 4 of the assholes were roosting on the fence doing that dumb little thing they do where they clean off their beaks and make sure everybody looks appropriately omen-ish. 

So I felt bad and made sure there were another 3 peanuts on the railing because I know Fred is a greedy little fucker and anyway then I was late for work because I had to feed my crows and that's not a viable excuse apparently 

Fred Said WHERE'S THE FUCKING KIBBLE SUSAN