Need encouragement, I think I retire

Over the past 6 weeks, with treatment, I've had my pain level go from a 10 down to a 4, or 5. Yesterday I had to "hold it" since I was out on a hike and no bathroom. By the time I went, it was watery, and very little poop but after that I felt my pain level go way up, and this morning, it's not any better. I'm doing miralax, softeners, nifedipine, and, heat 3 times a day. This seemed to be the method by which I started to heal. It feels like my fissure is like it was 2 months ago- very raw and painful. I guess holding it, even very soft, can open it back up? Or just irritate it? I am sick to my stomach that I'm back in so much pain. I'm hoping that since I have a protocol and medication, that I will heal again, but I'm worried that since I have backslid, that I won't heal. Any encouragement greatly appreciated!