My positive, peaceful, and painless MA experience

Ok friends. What an amazing community - you all have helped me so much. Time to give back!

My experience:

12 noon - took mife after my toddlers went to bed

11pm - ate half an instant ramen, drank gatorade (all I could stomach! pregnancy was brutal)

11:30pm - zofran & ibuprofen

12am - miso, vaginal. A personal note: vaginal was, imo, the best route for me. Little to no flu and GI side effects (except feeling like gas is trapped after 15 hours post-miso)

- SO NERVOUS AFTER INSERTING. Stopped reading reddit experiences, especially horror stories. Started reading books/playing phone games. Then I listened to ASMR and totally fell asleep

- At this point, I have an alarm set to remind me to ROTATE IBUPROFEN AND ACETAMINOPHEN every 4hrs. This was my pain management plan years ago postpartum, so I knew it was effective for me. I put this in all caps because I had seen absolutely nothing about this, even my provider only recommended ibuprofen but I asked for acetaminophen (aka Tylenol) too. If your doctor says you can take this route, highly recommended!! Ask for proper dosage and timing.

- 3:30am - Acetaminophen. Woke up to my alarm. No cramping, no blood. My twins woke up to breastfeed. I was so nervous to start feeling pain, but nothing - feel asleep again

- 7am - Trapped between sleeping kids. Couldn’t stand up. No blood felt; cramping started. Rolled over and bled. Sat on toilet and the biggest clot passed with a plop. Sadness, relief, guilt. But no regret… Just a very sad goodbye. (Note: I’ve cried my cries long before taking the mifepristone pill, and I empowered myself. More later!)

- 7:30am. Ate my first full ramen cup, crackers, and drank my 7th Gatorade out under the sun feeling shitty but also feeling like a new person. Pregnancy was horrible, and I already had a successful twin pregnancy before this. I don’t ever understand how the pregnant body demands so much food but also makes sure that I am nauseous and disgusted by everything that i don’t even want to eat anything, but junk food apparently is fine

- Morning to noon: ate a full bowl of glorious pho without gagging! Still bleeding lightly, still rotating pain meds, but no more pain I could notice. Bloated, gas discomforts (I am HUNGRY and kept eating), snuggling my heat pad

-1pm: my last ibuprofen dose; pain meds rotation stopped

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All in all, I was asleep for the times leading to the peak. My kids tried me out all day. I planned for a night of no sleep, but there I was, snoring and drooling.

Sharing my pre-requisites before starting the MA:

* I’m at peace with my decision. I’ve already ended the pregnancy in my head even before swallowing mifepristone.

* As an indecisive person, this was up there with the hardest decisions of my life. I cried a river during my first attempt to take the mifepristone pill and couldn’t get through it, hearing all the voices from my fucked up catholic upbringing. But there was a secondvoice, which is the mother inside me. That second voice was harder to ignore.

- What I did to make peace:

*saved all comments here that resonated with me. Have a pros and cons list ( I had 10+ bullet points under stopping the pregnancy, and only 1 under keeping it.).

*Understand the logistics (again, ask your dr if you’re eligible: ROTATE IBUPROFEN AND ACETAMINOPHEN EVERY X HOURS- for me I could do every 4hrs)

*Make peace with the metaphysical (I talked to my little Kai; yes I named it. I cried my heart out at the beach, and read Hills Like White Elephants. It wasn’t idyllic, wind was slapping my face and sand got in my ear. I picked up a seed and talked to the little Kai. I was going to throw it to the ocean, but decided to keep it and cherish the time it is still in my belly. I plan to let it go on my next alone time at the beach.)

*Chose My Destiny, empowered myself. (In my journal, I wrote: “In a world that had indoctrinated me, invalidated me, and shamed me, I choose my empowered self.”) Ultimately, I chose to cut off a tree branch in my tree of life. That saddened me- milestones deleted from my future with this potential person. But then I remember my old basil plant- if you want it to grow and thrive a certain way, you had to trim the new leaf that comes out. And the existing branches will thrive: my kids, my husband, and—about damn time—myself.

-A promise to myself: I’m definitely going hard on birth control after this, and not relying on the stupid technology and interface of an Oura ring for women’s cycle tracking (it is a joke and an afterthought). I feel equally stupid for following it… a hard lesson to learn.

*****
I have no elegant way of ending this post. Thank you to everyone who give to this community. Up until now, I had no reason to be here- but now that I did, I see you all- brave and strong women who make hard choices, whichever decision was chosen.

And to the moderators- you are superheroes In a world where vulnerable people continue to be treated horribly. Thank you for what you all do!!

I hope this post helps someone here like many posts helped me. this is a throwaway account because sadly I don’t have bandwidth for grimy men lurking here and shaming brave women on DMs. I will try to respond if there are any questions while this tab is open on my phone. take care everyone!