Update: The affairs hurt, but his lack of remorse hurts more — is this narcissism or emotional detachment?

First, I want to say thank you to everyone who commented on my previous posts, offered advice, shared their experiences, and took the time to respond. I’ve been reading your comments, and I’ve genuinely been trying to practice some of the things people suggested i e, focusing on myself, taking things one day at a time, and paying attention to actions rather than just words.

I’ve posted before about discovering my husband’s multiple affairs. I’ve posted about the apology I never received. I’ve posted about missing someone who hurt me and the confusing grief that comes with losing a person who is still alive.

I wanted to give an update because something has become very clear to me.

My husband has completely checked out.

He works away, so he only comes home once a month, sometimes twice. When he came home recently, I honestly thought maybe this would finally be the moment we talked. I thought maybe after everything came out, he would want to sit down, acknowledge the damage, and have a real conversation about where we go from here.

Instead, he didn’t want to see me.

He told me through text that I should let him know when I was coming so he could make himself scarce.

I went to a friend’s wedding and stayed there over the weekend. At first, I was angry. Then I was just hurt.

What makes it even harder is that he came home and acted completely normal with the children. He could be present as their dad, text them, and carry on as usual. But with me — the person whose entire reality was shattered — there was nothing.

No apology.

No explanation.

No acknowledgment.

Just avoidance.

And I think that’s what is finally sinking in for me. I spent so much time holding on. I held on because I loved him. I held on because of our family. I held on because I hoped that once the truth came out, he would finally fight for us.

But I’m starting to accept that I was fighting alone.

The hardest part is that I still miss him. I miss the person I thought he was. I miss the man I shared my life with. I miss our memories. Just last month, we were in a hotel room together, happy and close, and now we are strangers avoiding each other.

I know the marriage is over. Not because I stopped loving him, but because I cannot keep trying to repair something with someone who refuses to even acknowledge that it is broken.

I think I’m posting this because I’m trying to make peace with the fact that sometimes the closure you need doesn’t come from the person who hurt you.

Thank you again to everyone who has supported me through this. Some of your advice has stayed with me, and I’m trying to apply it even on the days when it feels impossible.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of emotional abandonment after betrayal? How did you cope with realizing the person you wanted comfort from was the same person who caused the pain?