I love my boyfriend but…

I love my boyfriend(25M) but the height difference is starting to bother me. I hate to admit it because he is the sweetest person ever. We have been together for 3 years (on and off), and he has loved me unconditionally through those years. Even when I had some family problems, he stood by me and to an extent I feel somewhat indebted to him.

When we started talking, I was so insecure, and depressed. I didn’t think anyone would find me attractive at all but he came around and kept insisting that he liked me. He was my first in person relationship. He would take me out to eat, and that is how I fell in love with him. Food. It was my source of comfort at the time. I didn’t notice the height difference at the time because I was just so happy to have someone around that cared about me so much. For context, I (25F) am 5’7 inches and at the time, I weighed about 208lbs. He is 5’4 and 140lbs at the time. I didn’t notice the height difference or take it too seriously because we would always drive around, and just go out to eat. Also, he would always have on a sweatshirt. He is cute so I gave him a chance.

Fast forward a few years and we are still together but I’m in a much better headspace compared to when we started dating. I feel better and look better. I have a better paying job, and I’m down to my goal weight. The one thing that troubles me now is our outward appearance as a couple as well as how much the height difference affects certain areas of my life. Firstly, we look like siblings more than lovers and it is so obvious when we go out. We don’t even walk beside each other because it just feels awkward. I don’t feel like comfort or safety you feel knowing your man is by your side. Secondly, I can’t put on heels because it makes him feel uncomfortable. I end up putting a pair of sandals in my bag anytime we go out. Thirdly, I’m starting to get sexually frustrated because he can’t handle certain positions due to my long legs. Lastly, I am somewhat ashamed to say this is my man in a world where every portrayal of a heterosexual relationship is a tall man and a shorter woman.

I can’t help but feel guilty when I’m approached by someone attractive or much taller than me because deep down I know a part of me wonders what it would be like to be with someone who fits the image I have always imagined. I love my boyfriend. He is a great person and an amazing partner but I don’t know if he can ever fill that gap. I want to go out in heels again. I want to go out in public and feel confident holding my partners hands. I want to go in for a hug in public and not have to bend my knees to accommodate for the height difference. I lost so much weight because I hoped that it would make me much smaller but that didn’t work. I don’t know what to do or how to even tell about this because I know it would break him. I’m in too deep with his family and friends that even the thought of ending things will be devastating for the both of us. I’m just glad I can finally put this into words.