Little sister‘s partner avoids me.

I’m in my early 30‘s & my younger sister is in her mid 20‘s.

We are soultied & growing up, she was my baby!

Unfortunately due to a massive split in our family, we were seperated for over 5 years & had not been in contact since. This year we unexpectedly reconnected again for the first time & our family is in a space of healing. Literally life changing & something I never thought would ever happen in a million years for our family so you can imagine how transforming this has been. My sister & I have had the best couple of months ever. Full of emotions & heartache as we’ve spent so long apart which we both have never experienced before. It’s been a difficult time, but the best all at the same time.

She has a partner who she’s been with for over 2 years & they live together. She has nothing but positive & wonderful things to say about him, he is everything her soul has needed. Everyone in our family is extremely happy for her as he is an ideal partner. He works, she stays home. He does all the chores, inside & out. Spoils her rotten & she is extremely happy! He is the total opposite to the men in our family & hood we grew up with who were/are alcoholics, druggies, wife beaters & cheaters. We come from a large 4 generation family with a lot of trauma. So, this guy is a something us girls have never seen before. He doesn’t drink, smoke or go out partying. Him & my sister never fight & he is a yes man. Everyone sees he is a wonderful partner for my sister including me.

HOWEVER, from the minute I met him till this day he avoids me. The first time we met, I gave him a big hug & kiss (which is normal in our culture - he’s the same ethnicity as us). Over time I have observed his behaviour & for some reason, he avoids me every single time. The times we’ve greeted each other, I’ve had to make the effort to say hello first otherwise he won’t (this is considered rude in our culture). When my sister comes to my house, he drops her off then leaves. Again, not even a how are you or what have you been up to, nothing. We recently had a massive family party & I said to myself, this can‘t keep happening. So, I went up to him & started a conversation… literally just answered 1 worded & that was it. It was so awkward & it pissed me off! Our family is real loud & friendly, my sisters & I are as loud as hyeenas so it was a beautiful night of reconnecting after years. His behaviour ruined my buzz but I didn’t want anyone to know. He had a sit down talk with my mum for ages & my mum was telling me about it the next day. She loves how open he was to her & they were talking about plans for him & my sister. She’s soooo happy for my sister… so I didn’t say anything. When he FaceTimes my sister, she’ll turn the phone to me & I’ll always answer, super happy HIIII BRUTHA, HOW ARE YOU?! This is how our sisters are, full of energy & love to everyone. He says hi & that’s it.

Not once have I ever been rude or unkind (I’m not like that). I don’t talk about him at all to anyone including my sister, I just listen to her go on about how wonderful he is. Recently, we had another gathering.. he hugged & kissed our mum & aunties…. completely missed me. I felt so hurt but played it off like nothing happened. No one else noticed as there’s so many of us & everyone was talking. Everytime I see him, I always greet him & ask how he is. He just answers & thats it. His body language is always like he doesn’t even want to hug or greet me. I have had to literally force myself to just go about it like nothing but it really gets to me.

My sister & I are the closest out of our 5 sisters, always have been. 2 bodies, 1 soul. We know every single thing about one another & us reconnecting has been the best experience of our lives! Because we share everything & text & call like crazy, she tells him EVERYTHING that we discuss which I’m aware is normal in relationships. I wouldn’t care if he didn’t treat me the way he did but this has really annoyed me over time. How can I have my sister back & do our sisterly things when he knows everything. It bugs the s*** out of me. He reads her texts to her if she’s getting ready or something like that. So he’s in our personal bubble. This means I can’t really have my sister back & openly talk about things like we use to. This has affected our relationship but only on my side as she has no idea.

I have to stress that I never ever want to tell anyone about this. I lost all of my baby sisters (4) over the years our family split & it was the worst experience of our lives & was out of our control. It completely destroyed the meaning of Family & everything we ever knew about what family was. So our reconnection is still fragile but 1000% now in our hands & we’re all women now, so dynamics are different. For the rest of our lives, we will be breaking generational cycles from our grandparents & parents generations. I cannot allow this to destroy my sisterhood. It’s an awkward situation that I’ve never ever been in. He is in my life forever now & I will not allow this to come between me & my sister.

If anyone has ever had a similar situation OR maybe you are this type of brother in law, you can advise on the reasons why he could be like this & only to me? Honestly, he’s a genuinely good guy but why does he avoid me? Just feeling really stuck & frustrated as this has now become a block in my sisterhood reconnection to the point where I avoid any situation where he’ll be there. This doesn’t help that everyone loves him & I just feel so broken all over again because I love my sister more then the world.

Any help would be much appreciated!