Unlearning Purity Culture

I was taught that before you even let yourself like someone, you’re supposed to bring it to God first. So instead of dating around and figuring out what I actually wanted like everyone else my age was doing, I spent years quietly asking that question about literally anyone I liked even a little. My family wasn’t super devout, but they really pushed the no sex before marriage thing hard. That mindset wrecked my dating life and honestly fed into some serious limerence stuff too. I’d get attached to an idea of a person before I even knew them because I was taught to look for signs instead of just getting to know someone like a normal person.

A few years ago, There was this one guy I was convinced was my husband because of what I thought were signs from God. He wasn’t. He’s married now, expecting a baby, and his wife is a Charlie Kirk supporter, so yeah, that tells you how far off I was. Now that I’m 23 deconstructing, I feel like I’m building myself from scratch. My whole personality was built on trying to please God. Everyone else my age got to date around, mess up, figure out their boundaries, learn what they actually like etc. I was in my room trying to be a good Christian woman. The thought of getting a tattoo, or showing a little cleavage made me feel guilty. It feels like I’m plucking the Indoctrination out with tweezers. Like I’m dismantling my whole being. It’s so eye opening realizing how deeply rooted it was.