Hi everyone, and thank you to those who will read the whole post.

So to begin with, this story spans three years, with the most recent events being the ones in question now. That means that at the time, it was a 13F/16M story, which has now carried over with me being an adult and her not, though it’s not something that’s felt in our interactions.

Past context (kinda optional to read)

I’ll start the situation chronologically, beginning with three years ago. In September 2023, a new year started at the conservatory, and I had music theory lessons. In this particular weekly lesson, there was this girl (I’ll call her Marlene, her redacted name, from now on) that I gradually became closer to throughout the year: we joked during lessons, talked a lot in the corridors before and after class, and waited for each other, chatting for about 5 to 10 minutes each time. At that point, nothing serious from my perspective—I think it was just the social context making us want to interact with each other. Even though at that age, you always have an unconscious afterthought telling you that you might want to end up with a girl every time you talk to a pretty one, but really, nothing concerning love at that point. The year went on great without any particular event.

In September 2024, we ended up in the same music theory class again. In addition to that, she joined the lyrical singing class that I was already part of. This class included a monthly lesson on Saturdays, spanning the day from 9 or 10 AM to 3 PM, to prepare collectively for concerts with acting, etc. In this class, we were just six youngsters, with the other 20 to 30 people not our age (some around 30, and a lot of them being much older). Quickly, we started talking to each other, creating a group of five (yeah, one guy was kinda excluded because he was peculiar :( ). So we kept this up throughout the year, and by early December 2024, we had our first concert. It was kind of a big deal for us since we had costumes, two different performance dates, everything was memorised, and we were actually acting along a storyline tracing Mozart’s artwork, not just singing in a choir or solo pieces.

In this concert, I played the role of Don Giovanni. For those who don’t know, it’s the story of a nobleman who charms and conquers women wherever he goes. Of course, this was a hard role to play at my age back then, especially since I’m a bit reserved (though working on it, and it’s way better today than three years ago). Before this piece, I’d had issues playing these kinds of romantic roles by mixing acting and real-life emotions. I even tried something with a girl, even though she clearly wasn’t into me (I guess it was a classic learning experience at that age).

The thing is, during the rehearsals leading up to the concert, Marlene got very close to me—physical touching, etc. Of course, I was blind and didn’t notice anything, even though my lack of reaction might have been related to my prior bad experiences playing romantic roles, since I was also marrying Marlene during the play. However, during the last rehearsal before the concert, the others in the group tried to make it obvious for me. They made remarks, etc. Again, I was blind at the time. One guy from the group, on the day of the concert, said something like, "Dude, she’s flashing her headlights at you, and you don’t even notice." It was literally 30 minutes before the play, so I didn’t have much time to process, and I still wasn’t 100% sure. So we did the concert, it went great, and afterward, we had a bit of a casual talk where the public and parents came on stage, so it was a bit crowded. And it was at that moment that one of the 35-year-old guys came to my ear and said, "I think you should kiss Marlene." He had been observing the whole situation from afar and had noticed things better than me. He added, "Look at her, she’s always staring at you, even through the crowd, and you’ve been so close to each other." At that moment, it was more than obvious in my head that she was into me, but I had a short window of time to take my chance because afterward, it was vacation, etc., and I knew Marlene was at the peak of her interest in me. Guess what? I didn’t have the balls and replied to the guy something like, "Well, I’d love to, but it’s not reciprocal." I regretted it for the next 8 months. I wasn’t actively into her, but I still saw her at the conservatory, and I could see that she wasn’t acting the same. I knew I’d let my chance go. I was overthinking it, telling myself she wasn’t the perfect girl, even though inside, I knew it would have been a great experience with her.

In July 2025, she joined for the first time a huge singing festival in our city that gathers a thousand choristers, and that I had been doing since 2018. I’ll explain the format a bit, as it will make sense later: for one week, it’s 8:45 AM–12:30 PM, then 4:30 PM–7:30 PM, with a 30-minute break each morning and afternoon. Also, for the last five days, we go into the Roman amphitheatre where the final concert is held at the end of the week, from 9 PM to around midnight, to rehearse details that can only be done there (lights, etc.). So there’s a lot of spare time around the rehearsals (for example, when gathering at the amphitheatre or waiting to get inside) when we can just talk. Also, you should know that, being with the men myself and Marlene having a woman’s voice, we don’t rehearse next to each other.

At the end of the week, we give two concerts, with an after-party at the end of the second concert. Anyway, this 2025 edition wasn’t great regarding our relationship, and she was even cold with me, I’d say. I don’t remember exactly, but I would try to talk or stay a bit with her, but without success, so I stepped down for the second half of the week. It was really weird since it was the first time since I’d known her that there was actually no bond between us.

Current context

In September 2025, everything went back to normal. We saw each other some Wednesdays and monthly on Saturdays for lyrical singing. No more weekly meetups since we both stopped music theory. Nothing particular, just talking within the group, but no real flirting or teasing between us, or just very occasionally.

By the last portion of the year, though, she very gradually got closer, maybe due to another concert where I married her that was approaching. But at that point, and even at the concert in June, nothing was really noticeable love-wise.

Then came the end of July 2026, when the singing festival took place again. Once more, Marlene and I were part of it (see the previous paragraph about July 2025 to understand the format of the festival). I know her mother quite well since she’s a teacher at the conservatory, and considering we talked sometimes after the music theory or singing lessons before she would drive her daughter back home. Marlene’s mum asked me if I could be her referent (i.e., an adult chorister responsible for an underage participant on-site). It was a big task for me—my first adult responsibility—but I still said yes since it wasn’t that much of a deal: Marlene manages herself, and I would only be needed in case of problems.

And during that week, Marlene was so close to me: smiling, laughing, seeking me out, making eye contact during rehearsals, teasing, and some physical contact (though less than in December 2024 for that last point). You could think I was more of a "mum 2" at that point, but really, it wasn’t the case, and she made it clear by telling me that I’m her mother only on paper, though we’ve been joking about "mum 1" and "mum 2" the whole week.

The first days, it wasn’t obvious, but as time went on, I got more and more green lights from her. First, the cues mentioned before, such as teasing, were more common, and she would also insist on sentences like, "You are not responsible for anything, but I still love you, mum 2," which felt like flirtatious banter and not literal. She would also ask me to eat downtown with them after the morning rehearsal.

Other green lights include:

• Her telling me how annoying a guy a bit younger than her (maybe 15) was. He’s with the women’s voices since he hasn’t gone through his voice change yet. She kept telling me that he was annoying and trying to engage with her while she didn’t want him to, essentially being pushy. She asked me by message: "Tell him that you are my flirt, that he needs to back off."
• During romantic songs (e.g., "She" from Charles Aznavour), we were a bit far from each other, but we engaged with each other visually.
• At one point, I went to her during the rehearsal, and she welcomed me warmly and smiling, instantly removing the sweater that was on the chair next to her.
• She found excuses to be near me (for example, when I was refilling my water bottle during rehearsals, she came over).

There were still some red lights, though: the age gap, the responsibility dynamic, she talked to me about an ideal famous guy she was fantasising about, and she declined an invitation to eat. For that last one, it was the day after the first concert (so I had proposed the day before, Friday 1st August), when we finished at 1:30 AM. It was 10:30 AM, I went to her during the rehearsal, and she welcomed me warmly, as explained earlier, and proposed that we go downtown to eat. She said no because she was too tired, and her mum had already planned for her to eat at home. I don’t think it was that big of a deal since it’s actually coherent that she was tired—everyone is so tired during this draining singing week. However, after she declined, she looked into the distance at the ground for about 3 seconds, totally paused. I’ve never seen her do that. To me, she was clearly thinking about something after declining, maybe realising that I was actually finally into her and trying to take things further.

Later in the day, her actual mother called me, giving me my first mission: I would drive Marlene back home when we left the after-party that followed tonight’s concert (at 16, it’s not legal to drive here yet). So then I tried to call Marlene. She didn’t reply at first. I left a voice note explaining that if she wanted to take things she wouldn’t need for the concert but for the party afterward, she could put them in my car, and other things related to tonight. Instead of directly replying to the voice note, she called back two minutes later, and instead of just addressing my points, we ended up discussing other things for around 20 minutes. Again, she teased me because I hadn’t gone and told the annoying guy to back off. Also, she said things like, "Yeah, I’m gonna teach you how to dance and give you daily stretching reminders. I’ll be your coach" (she is a dancer at the conservatory as well, and I suck at dancing). This in itself doesn’t matter, but after the call, and when she arrived at the amphitheatre pre-concert, she sought me out even though we weren’t lining up at the same spots, and somewhere in the conversation she told me something like, "If I have a boyfriend, I will teach him how to dance during or before our relationship. It’s so important to me." So I was like, she’s connecting the dots and making it even more obvious for me.

Not much more happened during the concert, except that during the romantic song, I literally sang for her, looking at her (it was part of the play to look at the women, but I hadn’t made it that obvious before), and she noticed it, even though we were like 40 metres apart in the amphitheatre. After the concert, she asked me who I was looking at, and I went like, "You, of course. Who else?" She had a shy reaction here, but it still felt positive. I was just trying to set her up for more.

But then I drove her to the after-party, and we went our own ways. It’s not bad in itself to me since she was mainly talking with other female friends who she wouldn’t see after the festival, and we were just doing things, dancing, etc., and sometimes just dancing close, but nothing too much. We stayed there until 4 AM, and at that point, I told her I would drive her home because it was late. I made a point to myself beforehand that I wouldn’t try to do anything in the car since it comes under my "mum 2" responsibility, and it didn’t feel right to try moves in there. I didn’t even need to respect my pledge because, when walking to the car, she went like, "Oh, I got this dancer’s Snapchat from the party. He’s so pretty and muscular, and he’s blond above all." Of course, it was a bit annoying, but she’s a bit like that, and I thought she was teasing me a bit for a second. But I wasn’t ready for what followed. She told me that they had been talking to each other since 2 AM, when he left. The guy went back home, took his shower, and was still somewhere in his house texting her. And then she goes, "That means that now I’m talking to two guys at once. Oopsie." A little bit of relief: she might be playing with me, and I’m the second guy. And then, "But I think it’s more doable with the dancer since the other guy lives in Madrid." I don’t live in Madrid. I was so desperate.

During the drive home, she just kept talking to me about her conversation with this new guy, and only that, also mentioning that he dances well and has muscles (I saw him in a photo—he’s not even that muscular in my opinion, at least not significantly more than me). It was nerve-wracking me a bit inside, but I stayed calm. When we arrived at Marlene’s home, I tried a bit of an opening: "So, see you soon. I’m sure we’ll meet soon." She replied: "Of course, we will come across each other. This city is so small, and we literally are in the same conservatory." I feel like she didn’t mean it the same way as me. I tried an opening for meeting one-on-one later, and she just turned my sentence around.

The thing is, with all this, her actions didn’t change. Only what she was talking about did at the end of the party. She’s still smiling, making eye contact, etc.

Now I’m at this point in time. I woke up at noon today, struggling to sleep after all the events of this night, pondering what just happened.

Questions

So my questions are :

1. Is the age gap a very concerning issue ? I mean there is no dominant-dominated relationship between us, and I think it’s kinda visible in my story since she is the one playing me a bit. Also, we were clear between us with earlier chats that we really don’t feel the age gap.
2. Did I see the green lights correctly at first, or didn’t I read the situation correctly? Was she even into me or flirting with me from her perspective?
3. How do you see the Snapchat guy situation? Is it a test for me, or a way for her to close the door? Please explain.
4. What can I do now? The ball is kinda in her court, but I still could start a dumb conversation about the stretching reminders she hasn’t sent me by text to see if she still engages. What do you think?
5. Should I eventually send a clarity message, asking indirectly if we are on the same page?
6. Last piece of information: she changes flirts often (like every 2 to 6 months), as far as I know, and also sometimes goes back to flirts from the past, but rarely commits. Am I just a pawn on her flirt chessboard? Do I count for her, or am I just one choice she has that she’ll never commit to? Maybe she’s afraid to commit overall, and I’m not the problem specifically for her?

TL;DR

A girl that clearly wanted a relationship with me one and a half years ago (that never went official) has come back closer to me recently. This time, I had the courage to try to go further to get into an official relationship. Within hours after making it more obvious on my side, she told me she started talking to another guy at the party we went to together, fantasizing about him to me for minutes, effectively trying to close the door. In what kind of situation am I? What can I do now? And is 19yo–16yo ok ?