Today is my first birthday since our break up..

We broke up in April. We had been together since 2019. He was with me as I lost some of my closest friends (ghosting/ditching me) and my mom (passed away). He made me feel secure in the idea that I would never have to spend another birthday alone. But somehow, I ruined it. I didn't cheat or anything. I just.. couldn't pick myself back up from the hardships of life.. and I feel even less equipped to pick myself up from this as well.

He was my favorite person. The man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We enjoyed the same music. The same games. I helped him get back into some hobbies he loved. But I wasn't reliable. I wasn't self-sufficient enough. He got tired. He wanted to move forward and I was holding him back. I still want to wait for him though. I thought he would at least reach out on my birthday of all things. Even a simple happy birthday through text would've been enough. But I don't think he will. And maybe that's for the best. I don't know. I miss him though. I miss him so much. I want to somehow reach out to him and show him how much I still love him after all this time. How much I want to make him happy still. How much I want to work on myself if it means that we may one day be together again. I know I need to work on me for me, but he made my life worth living after everything I've been through. And I don't want to give up on us. I really don't.