I'm tired, dont know what to do, where to go

Hey everyone

I have been diagnosed with adhd, based on symptoms rather than a DSM 5 test. It was through a professional psychiatrist through online consultation by texting. He prescribed me atomoxetine but the side effects made me doubt if this is a good idea and even felt the diagnosis is wrong.

Started with 25mg, first day felt a bit high and was even able to focus. But by the 2nd day it wore off and I didn't feel that different from my old self. After 2 weeks bumped up to 50mg based on doctors orders. Felt like a zombie and really freaked me out, like my heart was shutting down, dropped back to 25mg but stopped taking the meds altogether as I then experienced chest tightness and couldn't get a full breath in. Got my vitals checked and it was all fine.

I am constantly changing my mind on whether I should get a 2nd evaluation (but money is tight). Should I give atomoxetine another try ? I dont want to bother with any meds again based on experience.

Im tired of myself, of life. Like I dont have the mental energy to focus on and goals, ideas, hobbies, I dont want to endure even a morsel of discomfort. Pretty sure I am starting to get depressed.

All I crave is excitement and feeling engaged in life. But I can't seem to find it or don't know how to go about it at this point. I'm tired of the idea of sitting in front of computers and slaving away all day in the name of making money. I dont even do it well because of my desire of excitement and most work is bland, meaningless. Stuck in minimim wage because of this.

There is pressure in me to do more , be more like my sister who's hyper successful compared to me. I dont know how she sits in front of laptop all day. The idea genuinely infuriates me now.

The only good news I have found the only way I do any work or study is in groups where I'm constantly engaged, or If i need to learn a skill or hobby I need to do so with any teacher who will force me to focus and be accountable. I know I won't do shit on my own. Or I need to be under some serious pressure or deal with serious consequences. Like I need to be pushed in a position that will make me.

I don't know anymore what am I and what kind of life is worth living. Society clearly isn't designed around people like me. Where do I go to experience that feeling I crave ? I am done trying and being something.