Am I an idiot? (Yes)

Fuck writing, now read this:

The story starts out exactly like any typical story, right in the biggest supermarket in the city. Susan was busy strolling down the canned foods isle scanning the isle like an eagle for a can of canned chicken nuggets. No luck. She proceeds to exit the isle and walk down the supermarket inter-isle highway and enters the fresh produce isle. She grabs a few bananas and puts them in her trolley. As she turns around to leave the isle, she seems a man who from behind looks exactly like her late mother!

"Mom??" She asks frantically while grabbing the man by the hair and pulling him to the floor (her mother died from botulism) and she throws him around on his back! "What the fuck you stupid crazy cunt!?" the man yelled while getting back up from the floor. "What is your problem you worthless slut? Lost your fentanyl!?" the man asked Susan. Susan was so embarrased she offered the man sex in return for some public dignity. The man then stepped forward and tipped his fedora after which he removed it, "John Soil, pleasure to make your acquintance my lady" Susan suddenly realised that this main was in fact the co-owner of a company her dad worked at 10 years before she was born! "I am so sorry John Soil, you looked like my dead mother so i just wanted to hurt her one last time for dying during my last semester of university"

John looked like he understood exactly what she meant. "I completely understand my lady, this world is cruel and parents are abandoning their children more than ever, if it would be okay with you, I'm totally down to pretend to be your mom" Susan immediately hugged John and asked him if her dad worked hard when he worked for him, but unfortunately John didnt know her dad at all.

Later that day, when Susan arrived at home she was extremely exhaused from the incident at the supermarket and she also had intense blue balls from not doing anything sexual with John since he was now her mother and she could no longer fulfill her promise to him with sex due to incest being illegal in her state. Susan decided it would be best to call John to find out why he never knew her father as he was the co-owner of a company her dad had worked at 10 years before she was born.

"John, I have to speak to you" she whimpered over the phone. "I'm here baby girl, talk to mommy" he replied.

"It's about dad, he worked at your company ten years before i was born, and i remember this, because he told me himself before he moved to international waters. But you say you dont know?"

"This must all be very confusing to you my child, I dont know how to explain it to you without sounding crazy!", John replied

"You have to try mom! For me" and suddenly John said, "Well my child, I didnt know who your dad is, because I never met him"

Susan suddenly hangs up the phone, sweat dripping from her fingers, "How can he not know my dad if he is my mom and the co-owner of the company my dad worked at 10 years before i was born" she wondered to herself, not satisfied with the answers John gave her. "I'll need to go to his house and spy on him" Later that day, Susan grabbed John's address from a phone book she had in her bathroom: 21 Lane. "21 Lane?" she asked herself... what is the house number? Soon after finding out what the exact house number was, Susan showed up at John's house during the early morning hours, "He must be asleep" she thinks to herself...

She goes around the back of the house and grabs the closest brick from the foundation and unlocks the window by throwing the brick at it. She climbs through and hears shuffling down the hallway and the distinct "Prrrr-prrrr... prrrr-prrrr..." of a phone dialing 911. She freezes and also calls 911, "Hello, operator, I just entered my mom's house and I think there's someone else in here... I'm scared"

"Are you alone?" the operator asks her urgently. The phone dies...

Susan slowly creeps down the hallway toward the kitchen and something catches her eye in the living room. A photo of her dad!

"I knew it! I knew John knew my dad, he has a photo!" she yelled while picking up the framed photograph. She threw it against the floor and picked up the photo and turned it around, "Employee of the day, 4 Aug 1990", "10 years before I was born... he did know my dad..."

BAM! Suddenly the wardrobe in the corner of the living room flung open and John came out with a baseball bat and a phone clearly on a call displaying "199" on the screen and a faint voice "The number you have dialed.." before John yells "Get ready to die!!!!!" right before pausing and standing still with his mouth open looking at Susan... "My baby! There is someone in the house! You need to get into the closet with me!" and they both immediately hopped into the closet.

"I head someone breaking a window, we need to call the police, I dont remember their landline number" John wispered.

"I also heard someone in the house, I called the police but my phone died" Susan said.

"Whats their number?"

"911"

"OHHHHHHHHhh... almost had it..."

The buttons beep on John's phone as he's busy dialing 911... The operator picks up

"911, How may we help you?"

"There is someone in my house, my daughter and I are hiding in the livingroom closet"

"Do you hear the intruders right now?" The operator asked.

"Not anymore no, they must have left, just hold on" John replied.

John and Susan listened to the quietness in the house...

"They must have already stolen something and left", John told the operator and hung up. "Susan! My child, what are you doing up this late? We need to get you to bed" John said to Susan as they got out of the closet... "Oh no! Some outragious piece of bitch broke the photo frame of my dead husband's image back when he was employee of the day at my company!"

"Your dead husband?" Susan asked shocked to the core?

"Are you gay mom?.."

"Yes"