Gaijin just made me shit my pants

I thought I'd just play a couple Warthunder matches so I booted up the game and got blessed with a 300% research boost from my daily rewards. Of course, my joy was limited, as I knew I'd been a bad boy and neglected to buy premium vehicles for a couple of months, so I was overdue for a punishment. However, I didn't expect it to come in this form.

I queued up for a match and got placed in a full uptier on Fire Arc, though my punishment was far from over. For context, I've been suffering from stomach cramps since yesterday morning, probably ate something bad. The exact second the match began, I felt a deep rumble in my tummy, and pressure building against my extra virgin bootyhole. "Finally", I thought, "the sweet release of a massive fart, delivering me from my stomach ouchie".

But it wasn't a fart. The moment I hit the ignition, my pants were filled by a 36 hour cocktail of half digested McDonald's and unidentified brown liquid that reeked so abhorrent it was probably radioactive. I rushed to the toilet where my ass continued to explode for ~40 minutes. When I returned, the match had of course ended, and my booster had gone to waste.

I knew that Gaijin sometimes like to put their finger on the scale when you activate a booster to incentivize the purchase of premium time, but this seems disproportionally intrusive even for their standards. This had to be their doing. I don't have stomach problems and the last time I shit myself I was like 6 years old. How did they even do it? Do they have a poopoo-mancer in the basement casting diarrhea spells on F2P players now? Is it artificial superintelligence predicting when I'd activate my booster and manipulating the local KFC deepfriers to insufficiently cook my chicken 2 days in advance? Is that why the servers have been running poorly for the past few weeks?

Is there at least some sort of customer representative I could contact for reimbursement for my ruined pants and the pad of my gaming chair that's now drenched in ass water?