trying this again without the photo of herb!(sorry)   blackened salmon , and beet salad :)!!  
   
before reading please understand the latter.

NO this isn't rage bait. it's involuntary the self infantilizing behavior  and i don't realize it far until the conversation is over. 

i don't enjoy doing it , i have 2 degrees im not a stupid girl i shouldn't be acting stupid for a man that's my  
whole point it's ridiculous of me.  
I (21f) only want men old enough to be my dad. i can't pinpoint if it's knowing it's not socially acceptable? knowing that by being with them people will have some shock factor idk. but i genuinely find them so much more attractive!! i cannot keep interest in a guy my age for more than maybe a few days before my attention is swayed or my brain wonders to a man who's well.... older. it's not about the financials ,however,  there is comfort in knowing he's settled down at that age??. maybe i need to stop trying to rationalize and accept it. older guys are hot!!

Here's where my issue within myself starts , how i tend to get "dumber" around them. voice a little softer , eyes all big and wide and desperate for their attention  like a starved animal and i don't know where it come from because im deeply cold /icked out / annoyed by men my age and for that matter any under 40.  idk just needed to say this somewhere before i explode. sometimes i feel bad for what i desire but i can't help it at this rate. since turning 18 and realized i could see men that much older me( not sex seeking i more over relish their attention and praise.) it has been a addiction of sorts. make it stop 

I only seek out older men / don't like how they make me.