what really counts as a circumstance?

i feel like i’m at a loss right now. my post history is private but if you recognize my username you’ve probably seen me make several posts and comments going back and forth of this and that.

the main thing thats stopping me from being comfortable in manifesting my SP is that i don’t believe i can overcome my circumstances. when i think of circumstances that don’t matter, i think of 3P, distance, no contact, blocked everywhere, etc. but is ANY thing a circumstance? at what point would circumstances actually matter?

my sp was the sweetest partner ever, treated me like a goddess, spoiled me and prioritized me in every way, everyone knew they wouldn’t dream of hurting me. it wasn’t until i started assuming i wasn’t good enough, i ruin everything, they’ll find someone better, etc, that they did a complete 180. i became so angry, i lashed out worse than i ever have. i am truly ashamed, but i’ve said and done some things, involved their friends and family and destroyed a few of their relationships with some of them. i don’t wanna go into so much detail but i have a strong way with words and i don’t do well with being wronged by people. i just wanted them to feel the same hurt that they made me feel, and i regret it every day. but i feel like they hate me and could never forgive me now.

i previously received some well appreciated advice to forgive myself and work on self concept for being worthy of their forgiveness, but i am just curious if anyone had a circumstance that was similar or worse? is this something i can overcome?