Tips on healing

It’s been three weeks, and I’d say I’m doing okay overall, but the grief comes in waves. I know healing isn’t linear, but I really wish it was. I’m doing everything I’m supposed to be doing working, spending time with friends and family, praying, getting rid of reminders but every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to sleep, my chest literally aches.
I think part of what’s making this so difficult is that we were always off and on, but this time feels different. He blocked me, our families got involved, and he lives in a completely different state. After more than four years together, I didn’t just lose my boyfriend I lost my best friend.
I genuinely want to let this go because carrying it around is exhausting. My friend keeps reminding me that I’m being too hard on myself, that I’m human, and that grieving is normal. I know she’s right, but it’s still hard.
What hurts even more is that he seems okay. He’s talking to a girl I was always worried about, and knowing him, he’s probably keeping himself busy and moving forward. Meanwhile, I’m the one carrying all of this, and sometimes it makes me feel like a loser. I don’t want to be someone who says, “It took me two years to get over my ex.” I just want my heart to stop hurting.
A small part of me still hopes he’ll reach out one day, but I know I need to let go of that hope so I can truly heal. Also I hate that the last thing he told me was “I wanted to marry you, you did this I didn’t want to leave” I truly know I messed everything up. Well honestly we broke up for 6 months, he came back and we dated for 5 months but went on a trip and got into a drunk fight the last night. I really really wanted to fix it and we talked it out and fell asleep but he woke up and said he didn’t want to be with me. Idk.
It also doesn’t help that everyone who knows us keeps saying things like, “You guys will talk again,” or, “Maybe now just isn’t your time,” or, “You two always end up finding your way back.” The truth is, this breakup was different. It got really bad, and he’s gone.
I’ve made peace with what happened between us, but my heart still aches for the person who was my best friend.
Has anyone gone through a breakup that felt impossible to survive but later realized it was one of the biggest blessings in disguise? I’d really love to hear your story.