r/adviceph•
1MTzy96

How to deal with a friend na nanghihingi na madalas? As much as possible, without cutting him/her off?

Social Matters

Problem/Goal: May friend ako na kumaibigan sa akin sa work, which turns out she enjoys foodtrips like me. Paminsan-minsan nag-aaya ng FT after work, which isn't a problem yet. But things start to become concerning nung nagsisimula nang humingi sa akin ng pera pandagdag sa allowance. Started small pang pamasahe, until lumalaki na nang onti. Although di naman madalas and there are a few times I say no naman to be fair, medj late na rin narealize it already started to gradually chip away my savings. Kahit medj short na ako, dahil talagang need niya, I would give way while making sure I still have at least enough until the next payday. How to deal with the situation without any cutting off involved (to cut her off is the very last resort if all else fails)?

Not sure sa flair though. But please read carefully the context and the story in relation to the problem that needs to be focused on.

Context:

Same government workplace pero magkaiba kaming departments within same floor, female student siya undergoing summer job while I'm a male intern, within the same city lang kami at di magkalayo and both near workplace. Started with a random encounter sa canteen, then after some small talk in-add ako agad sa FB pero dump account lang na walang laman other than no more than 10 friends.

One time I replied to a story then nagchat kami nang light, at pabiro siyang nagaya mag-kape, pero libre ko. Kinabukasan, McDo kami na treat ko. And every now and then nag-aaya siya mag-FT after work, like once or twice a week lang, until halos araw-araw na on her last week sa summer job - tapos samgyup date na treat ko on her last day. No probs at this point dahil maluwag pa ako sa budget at sapat pa ang savings, although pag sinuma ang FT gastos ay significant portion ng budget ang nagastos.

Then comes asking for a little extra pang-pamasahe. Take note na student pa lang siya so umaasa lang sa limited allowance. No probs giving her a bit. Hanggang sa paminsan-minsang hingi niyang unti-unting lumalaki, saying it's for school allowance and baon o di kaya pambayad sa utang for the same reason. Kahit once a week na lang nagkikita since natapos na ang summer job stint nya, medj malaki ang nawawala sa budget ko, to the point na nagagalaw na ang savings. Even if she says last hingi na niya, after some time ay hihingi uli. Dahil friend ko siya, I let it pass thinking she really needs it.

Last hingi niya na napagbigyan ko is ung pauwi na raw ng province para doon daw ituloy ang school year niya kaya need niya pamasahe, but ended up going back after di na matuloy. She chatted me about this tapos nanghingi ng pamasahe after masiraan ng motor, but nagdecline ako nang maayos yet firm. Wrong timing wala na akong budget other than panggastos for this week until next sahod.

From here I became skeptical, and alam din nina mommy at lola kaya they suspect na nagsisinungaling lang siya. Ung mga bigay ko ba ay para ba talaga sa pangangailangan, or does she use/save it for something else? Natuloy ba talaga ang biyahe sa province, or did she really lied kahit di tuloy just to get some money from me?

And this week nag-aaya uli mag-meet up. Perhaps a chance to clear things out kasi gusto niya ako makausap, same with me. Pero may hirit pang hingi, promising na last na un. But after what happened, I already started to have doubts kasi medj sus eh, even mommy advises me na wag muna magkita. Dahil di pa sure if may sahod na this week, I said di pa sure if tuloy, just to temper any expectations na g ako by Friday kasi need niya for school. She insisted na if kaya now or early this week, pero dahil short na ako I said no. For the specific situation, what would be a nice move?

If I'm no longer willing to give her financial help dahil baka di na lagi kakayanin, how would I decline without ruining the friendship? Cutting her off can be the very last option if di pa rin matigil, but as much as possible fpr the meantime I still want to keep it para walang masaktan. That is...worth it pa ba? If I am to cut off as last resort, how will I do so in the nicest way possible?

Previous Attempts:

Pag kaya naman magbigay, ok lang. If alanganin, I will tell her na alanganin or short na budget ko. But more often than not, she's quite pushy to insist na baka kaya ko pa. I eventually gave in + onting FT para matahimik na, while making sure I still have at least enough. Similar thing minsan if nagsasabi ako na may gagawin/aasikasuhin pa, with her thinking na kaya kong saglitan siya.

But lately and even a few instances I said no, and nothing else happened. Either short sa budget or need umuwi agad o may lakad/gagawin. But sometimes she finds a way na mapapayag ako, like hindi agad sumuko eh. Until recently di na ako kinokontra pag sinabi kong hindi kaya right now, after a few pushes na baka kaya o pwede pa.

So it's either give in while making sure may matitira pa kahit medj short na, just to retain the friendship in some sort of good standing. Or a firm no, even if it would break her or make her sad, even if worse it would mean friendship over.

Posted Aug 4, 2026, 8:44 AM UTC

133
Loading comments…