I’m really struggling at my job and I don’t know what to do

I’m 21M, I’ve worked at this place for a year and a half so far. initially when I started I made so many mistakes. But I worked really hard and had a good attitude and they kept me around and I learned most of the stuff.

For reference it is a blue collar job. For some reason, ever since I was a kid, I’ve had problems with using my hands. I never learned how to tie my own shoe laces until I was probably 14 or 15 is the best example I could give you to demonstrate what I mean by “Problems with my hands”

It is probably my biggest insecurity and something I really struggle to deal with. It makes me feel like less of a man which is why I continue to do blue collar work because I don’t want to give up and just say “I can’t do it” If I have a wife one day, what can I do? Ask her to build stuff for me? You guys know the answer.

But at this job I mainly work with one other guy. He’s said positive things like I’m really proud of how far you’ve come etc but I still make many mistakes and I’m just generally awkward with using my hands, and I take a long time to learn how to do certain things. And to be completely honest I just generally lack common sense sometimes, I say all of this to give you an idea of what I’m genuinely like at work. I want to be fair to the situation and list my true strengths and weaknesses so you guys can understand.

But today we had a job I wasn’t too familiar with, we’ve done it a few times, so I should know it but I don’t. I really struggled to do it and my hands were even shaking because I felt so embarrassed to not be able to do something so simple. The guy I work with is a nice guy, he gets mad at me quite a lot which I Get it, but the worst part that he doesn’t know is he will never be angrier with me than I am with myself. I don’t let other people see any negative emotions or body language, I stay professional but deep down inside I am screaming at myself.

I really don’t know what to do. At a past job, a guy asked me “have you ever thought about a computer job?” And obviously I knew what he meant, but I really don’t want to just say “Blue collars not for me” because I want to be able to build things and use tools properly for my future. I believe it’s a nessecity for a man, maybe I’m wrong about that but it’s my view.

I guess in part a lot of this is just needing to vent and I’m wondering if others have ever felt the same