i'm "detransitioning" (cringe oversharing)

hi sorry for the millionth post, i'm "detransitioning" if you can even call it that. irl ive only "come out" to a few close friends and socially transitioned (binding, etc.)

its all pointless, iwnbam no matter what i do

i've extensively researched the effects of testosterone, i dont think it'll help much; i'll never be the real thing. i wont even appear like the real thing, i'm 5'0 (YES I KNOW WHO DANNY DEVITO IS), my disgusting chest mounds are too grotesquely large for keyhole and i refuse to have ugly ass pooner scars, phallo will never look, function like or be the real thing, bottom growth is just an enlarged clit which i already have due to PCOS, facial hair will never hide my disgusting foidly face, female socialization is totally irreversible too, i barely even grasp male socialization since i didnt have much contact with them except for online

even if i transition and somehow pass to cissoids, i'll always be read as a gay male. i have no chance of a sexual life with women. ig i would put up with it if i was bisexual but im not and im too fucking horny and will be even more on T to be able to put up with it

ig i could fake being a cis male through some elaborate lies but its seriously pathetic

it feels shameful to need so many surgeries anyways

female second puberty is rapidly approaching, and i will be truly locked in this saw trap of a body forever

i'll always be read as a mentally ill self-hating dyke, so i guess i'll be one