why am i receiving signs about everything but a certain man? + a lot of doubt

it’s a bit silly because it feels like i’m getting a lot of signs (as in answers to my prayers ) whenever i’m in doubt about something, but not when it comes to the guy i’m talking to. it’s extremely confusing.

we aren’t in a relationship, but it feels like we’re stuck in this endless talking stage because we can’t see each other very often and he’s really avoidant. i’ve been waiting and waiting, and honestly i’m exhausted.

he keeps canceling on me, and he broke my trust pretty badly about a year ago. obviously that made me resentful toward him, but for some reason i still can’t seem to let him go.

his past is also something i just can’t get over. he used to engage in what i consider sexually degenerate behavior, and his body count is way too high for someone who’s only been in one relationship. am i overreacting, or is it kind of weird for a guy not to care about someone’s body count? i don’t know, but it makes me really sad because i’m a virgin, and it feels like he doesn’t value that or even care about it.

i feel like he keeps me in his life because it’s convenient for him and because he’s afraid of being abandoned. i honestly don’t know what i should do anymore, but i’m so miserable and extremely confused. :/i can't decide if i should stay or just let him go since i'm scared that i‘ll be making the wrong decision and regret it.