Is my dad toxic or am i just too sensitive

I'm 24 now.

When I was 17, I was under constant stress from my dad to do well in school. COVID didn't help one bit. Throughout my childhood, I was always abused and beaten for the tiniest mistakes. Because of that, I developed a really uncomfortable relationship with him. I could never open up to him, and I always felt like I had no freedom under him.

When I was 17–18, I was going through the final push of the IB Diploma Programme, which is already extremely difficult and stressful. Doing it during COVID made it even worse because my dad was working from home, and constantly being around him wasn't exactly the best environment. My dad always had high expectations of me, and honestly, so did I. Thinking ahead, he also made me join a German language programme while I was already doing the IB.

Long story short, everything collapsed. I graduated from the IB, but my grades weren't good enough for around 90% of the universities I wanted to apply to.

When I failed, I was subjected to constant emotional, verbal, and physical abuse. And when I say constant, I mean every single day. I ran away from home several times because I just couldn't take it anymore.

In the end, we had two options: a private university in Delhi or a private university in Germany. Since I had already spent time learning German, I thought, "What's the harm in going to Germany?"

I left when I was 19, young and naive, with absolutely no idea what life there would actually be like. I first lived alone in a secluded place before moving to Berlin after about a year. I had no friends, no support system, nothing. The loneliness hit me like a truck. Personally, I hated Berlin. I found it run-down, and I never really connected with the city or the people.

About two years into living there, after fighting depression for around 3–4 years, I had already decided that once I finished my degree and worked for a year or two, I'd move back home.

I also ended up studying at what I genuinely believe was a pretty poor private university. I had no idea about its reputation before moving to Germany. Looking back, I honestly feel like I wasted four years of my early twenties there. I barely had anything to look forward to, and the education was below par. The only positive is that I finally graduated.

During my time in Germany, I'd come back home to Qatar whenever I could. Every time I visited, I felt like my dad had changed. He seemed calmer, treated me better, and our relationship actually felt like it was improving. Since I also didn't enjoy living in Germany, I decided to move back to Qatar for good.

It's currently my sixth day back home.

And it's all starting again.

The emotional abuse is back.

I make breakfast and lunch for him before he leaves for work, and he criticizes every single thing I cook. It doesn't stop there. He criticizes the clothes I wear (they're literally just normal clothes), tells me I'm lazy because I'm currently at home, and finds something to nitpick almost every single day.

To make things worse, it's just me and my dad at home because my mom is currently back in her hometown.

I barely have any friends here, so I'm mostly stuck at home. I wanted to go visit my cousins because they're genuinely some of the few people I enjoy spending time with, but because of some dispute between my dad and that side of the family, he isn't allowing me to go.

Right now, I'm trying to find a job here in Qatar, but I'm honestly scared that even if I do, I'll still feel trapped under him. I worry that I'll have curfews, won't be able to meet friends (if I even manage to make any), and will constantly have to deal with being belittled and criticized over the smallest things.

After spending years wanting to leave Germany because I thought home would finally feel like home again, I'm starting to wonder if I made the wrong decision. I don't know if I'm overreacting or if this situation is actually as unhealthy as it feels, but right now I just feel trapped.

TL;DR: I'm 24. I grew up with constant physical, verbal, and emotional abuse from my dad. After struggling through the IB during COVID, I moved to Germany for university hoping things would get better. I spent four years there feeling lonely, depressed, and disappointed with both the country and my university, but during my visits home to Qatar, my relationship with my dad seemed to improve. Thinking home would finally be different, I moved back after graduating. Within six days, the constant criticism, controlling behavior, and emotional abuse have returned. I'm trying to find a job, but I'm scared I'll still have no freedom, no social life, and will continue living under his control. I'm starting to wonder if moving back was a mistake.