I’ve got quite a few problems, but I literally CANNOT say some of them

Okay, I’ve got a lot i want to say, but I put what I think is my biggest problem as the title. My biggest issue is just that I’m so bad with words. Often when it comes to how I’m feeling or especially an internal problem I’m facing that’s causing me lots of difficulties, I’m not able to articulate what it is, or describe it accurately. It makes me really upset. Like, I try to, but no matter what I say, it’s never accurate to how it really FEELS, y’know?

This is one of the biggest reasons I don’t talk about anything else that bothers me to other people. Because I just can’t. It’s infuriating. But that’s not the only reason.

I also just can’t bring myself to ask for stuff out to a fear of being bothersome to people. Like, even if I know I’m not, and I’m even encouraged to, I just can’t bring myself to!

I don’t know if that has to do with some sort of subconscious thing affected by events that happened long ago, or if it’s just my laziness, but whatever it is, I hate it.

And that’s another thing I hate. How lazy I am. There are so, so many times throughout every week in which I know I should do something, but I don’t, because I’m just comfortable where I am. Even if I know it’ll be good for me, I just… don’t do it. This might be another reason I don’t often seek further help with anything. Because this is what I know, and to try and break away would be to break away from where I’m comfortable. Idk, maybe I’m looking too far into this.

But that’s not the only reason I don’t do stuff. Sometimes, I just forget. I’m a terribly forgetful person, and it often results in me forgetting to do something, feeling upset once I realize I’ve forgotten to do it, and then putting it off further.

But of course, that’s not smart because of how stupidly easily I get overwhelmed. It’s laughable. But do I do anything about it? No. Maybe that’s because of my laziness! I don’t know!

There are so, so many other things that plague my mind every day, but I can’t exactly figure out how to say any of the rest. I realize that I went off in a completely different direction as this vent went on, but ironically, I think that’s another issue I have. My mind is just all over the place. Always. It’s hard to stay thinking of one thing usually.

I don’t know, it just feels like everything’s kind of connected, and all big issues, so I don’t even know what to try and fix first, or how to do it.

I’m sorry this vent is probably really jumbled and a mess to read. I figured I’d at least get out what I can while I can. Hell, it’s 4:38 am and I’m losing sleep over this, so I may as well get it out now.

Thank you for reading. May you have a blessed day.