Look for support

I have a friend who’s an alcoholic and has had an issue with drink since she was 20. I knew she drank but it was never this bad. I’ve never pushed her for information about how she’s doing, when she comes to me, it’s her who starts the conversation.

I started watched recovering alcoholic channels on YouTube and random online support pages so if she ever comes to me for support, I’m somewhat educated.

The first real issue I noticed recently was when we went to a professional sports game and she got knackered & was absolutely certain her drinks were spiked because she “didn’t have that much to drink”. I don’t believe they were spiked because I was with her the whole time. She ended up in the hospital needing her stomach pumped.

Another recent example was when we WFH’d together. Each for different companies. We bought nips at the store for what I thought was for a girls night that evening. She took out the shots at 2:30pm during work the proceeded to quietly tell me not to make any noise so her wife wouldn’t know she is doing a shot during the week. I know drinking during the work day and hiding the drinks from your partner are tell tails. She also told me she cannot go more than 4 days sober.

She has expressed the desire to stop drinking as much and learn to drink in moderation but she’s an all or nothing girl who uses alcohol to relax, when she is anxious, when she is sad, when she is celebrating, etc so I’m worried.

On good weeks she doesn’t drink Monday-Thursday. Then on Friday-Sunday she has probably 5-6 drinks each day. She is very close to her wife’s family and by her words she describes them as “basically alcoholics”. They’re very nice but i’ve seen them decide if they like someone based on how much they “can hang”. They all described themselves as alcoholics when I talked to them at my friends wedding. She sees her wife’s family often and they all get knackered almost every weekend to the point where they’re completely out of it.

I guess my point is that I’m afraid her drinking is only going to get worse because she married into a family of self proclaimed drinkers. She had a drinking app, I forget the name but it gives her support and counts days she takes off drinking. She acknowledges she has a problem, she’s hiding drink from her partner, she doesn’t want to tell her wife that she wants to quit because her wife is the kind of person who would say “ok just do it then” and push her to get support. Her wife would be breathing down her neck and make her feel judged. My friend is afraid to go to AA. I’m worried if she ever got sober, her wife’s family wouldn’t be of any help and it’s hard to be in that environment if you’re sober.

What is the best way to support her? I don’t want to ask her about it too much in fear of her feeling judged and not come to me. I’m afraid this is the situation where she alone needs to hit rock bottom to recovery. But is there anything anyone did or said to you that sticks out as helpful for your recovery?