I (26F) don’t know if I want kids anymore and I’m questioning my 3-year relationship with (30M) partner

Me (26F) and my boyfriend (30M) have been together for 3 years. When we first got together, we both wanted kids and even picked out baby names.

Lately, I’ve realized I’m very on the fence, maybe even leaning toward not wanting children. It started as fear around pregnancy, but now I think I’m questioning parenthood itself. I don’t feel like I have the patience, I have health issues, I’m still working on my education, and I don’t want to have kids if we’re relying on our parents or government assistance. My boyfriend has suggested that we’d have support from both, but that’s not what I want.

When I told him I was questioning kids, he said, “So the baby names were just a lie?” That really hurt because I felt like I wasn’t allowed to change my mind.

For context, in 2024 I was involved in a situation with another man that I still struggle to identify because I only agreed to a sexual act because I was afraid for my safety. We spent a year in couples therapy afterward. During that time, my boyfriend admitted he had thought about getting me pregnant so I wouldn’t cheat again. He apologized, but that comment has stayed with me and changed how I feel about pregnancy and safety.

We also almost broke up in May of this year over other issues. He promised to make changes and genuinely has, but I’m still having this feeling that I need to be on my own to figure out who I am and what I actually want.
I still love him, and this isn’t about another person.

- Has anyone realized they no longer wanted kids years into a serious relationship?

- How did you know whether it was temporary uncertainty or a genuine incompatibility?