You may not ask questions lest you turn into Satan

Hello all. So, I’ve been questioning for a little while now and I’ve sat on my doubts because I don’t really have anywhere to take them. I haven’t posted here because that felt like the final nail in the coffin (which is not cultish at all.) And well, now here I am.
Mostly, I try to just write in my notes about everything that I’ve been taking in but tonight I thought I’d like to have a listening ear.

So anyway, you all know this story… once upon a time God’s sovereignty was challenged. We’ve probably all told someone before about a wicked angel who couldn’t simply be destroyed when he challenged God’s right to rule. No, that would’ve been nonsensical since so many other angels would’ve observed this challenge and that could raise the same question again and again. The solution? Prove him a liar. Basically, allow the devil to do his worst.
And alas, here we are. Mankind, about 6000 years later (lolz) suffering again and again and again and again. And a touch more suffering. So much suffering even the most faithful JWs wonder if there’s not enough proof at this point.
Point is, these last “6000 years” would seem like an extremely thorough answer to that whole debacle.
I came across this quote regarding that very challenge:
“It seems apparent that Jehovah desired that full knowledge of all the questions connected with this issue be thoroughly made known and understood.”

So my point of the day: even at my most faithful when I was certain this was the truth, I never understood the obsession with avoiding “questioning.” In my head, truth should stand up to scrutiny. Even Thomas was like “yea I’m not believing that Jesus was resurrected unless I stick my finger in his boo-boo” and Jesus was like “alright c’mere.”

Alternatively, if you’re like “I’m not too sure about that 1914 math.” Or if you ever wonder if “God hates a divorce” is really enough to prove that you have to stay in an abusive marriage simply because abuse isn’t adultery. Or is it really completely fine to let our children die or sacrifice our own lives based on “you must abstain from blood.” Or a random one for funzies “are we 100% sure that Jesus is Michael the archangel?”

The list of questions is endless. And questions aren’t bad. There are thousands of magazines, articles, brochures and books FILLED with questions! This organization was built on questions. And yet, if you ask the wrong question(s), you might as well be the devil himself challenging God’s sovereignty.

Truthfully, this time last year, I had questions but I answered them the way every good pimi does; “Jehovah will either answer it or fix it in time.” I can’t believe that in a few months my mind has turned into this. Like, why do I feel evil sometimes lol??? I spent a lot of time wondering if all of this is happening because I “hardened my heart towards God” somewhere along the way.

So, if you’re like me and you still haven’t made peace with yourself or you still feel bogged down by all the questions with no answers. What I do is remind myself that even according to the NWT, Jehovah answered Satan. Jesus answered Thomas. So, now I tell myself “there’s your answer.”

Anyway, thanks for listening to me babble. I would love to know what your most damning questions are.