What’s my relationship with my best friend?

Me and a male best friend we call Cat have been friends since elementary for 6-7yrs, best friends for 3-4yrs and been privately affectionate 2yrs ago and I did publicly was affectionate with him 1yr but that later. My question here is what is my relationship between us at least in my ends since I’m not exactly sure how I feel about this and I’m sure he has his on his own mind sometimes as well but I’m not him lmao.

In elementary 2yrs before we were friends me and my old best friend(I love her but we drifted apart nothing bad >:() used to have called him my old best friend “cat” and ig just rage baiting or some stupid shit with him just know we aren’t friends at this point but we have some interaction this wasn’t out of the blue. 2yrs later when I didn’t really wanted to play this infection tag with my friends(I hated competitive games or really wanting to put personal emotions onto stupid stuff remember I was a stupid kid then and prob now too.) Me and him didn’t really had much to do so we talked together or at least was together until my old best friend was done playing, we were officially friends at the end of that school year after I asked if we were friends and he said “we pretty much are at this point” or smth like that. Which can be the weakest friending story you’ll hear.

Middle school I was publicly affectionate with him(yes this was the 1yr period) I remember hugging him from behind in the back of our band class and even the teacher called us out saying “you two quit cuddling each other” and people did shipped us together. But then again I can say I was a bully cause I was a jackass with a huge swearing and whatever shitty problems and that I recall a teacher pulling me off to the side to say to stop bullying him with the “pulling cat by the hair and slamming him against lockers” this isn’t true I few things I did was jumping him from behind and whatever really annoying stuff. I did stopped talking to him or it slowed down a lot during near the end of middle school as he had a girlfriend and didn’t told me. A mutual friend actually told me like on new years but never who she is another friend told me near the end of the year. At some point they broke up idk why but he doesn’t tell me either why so she isn’t relevant to the story.

High school we were close friends in the beginning but at some point he said that he wanted space from me as he wanted to talked to other friends besides me which did hurt my feelings but I did try to talk to him less but we ended up being close friends again in the next year slowly overtime and the next year we started to visit each others houses and have cuddled each other frequently a lot to the point people prob thinking why they visited each other so much. In the beginning we just hanged out in his room and slowly started cuddling or at least chilling in his bed till I wanted to go home, I felt embarrassed the first time I cuddled him as I ended up falling asleep in his arms but overtime we just did it normally or just shifted a lot trying to get into a comforting position and rarely just actually played games together at his home. Currently I just don’t feel anything in terms of much physical affection since a few times we hold hands I just felt nothing he felt happy when we did tho, I had also said some embarrassing cringy shit before too as one time I offered to say anything for him and he made me just say “awe you so cute, handsome” type of audio (yt vid called: men who🗣️🔥|twitch:alekirser) I used to had a “confirmed” crush on him in middle school when people shipped us but that could also easily be just embarrassment from them and that I did used to think about cuddling him when I was thinking at night that calmed me down I don’t really do it anymore unless I’m thinking about a straddle type of cuddling, but that doesn’t happens too often as I’m thinking about fishes. My opinion about dating at the time throughout my school years was that dating was stupid, especially since if I dated him and it ended up wrong I lose him and I don’t want that and also that a good majority of school love elementary-early high school was likely going to end only like high school sweethearts might stand a chance really. We do play games together very often after school or on weekends on call, we do have many differing things but we are still very close friends. Idk what about him I could mention about tbh sorry. Honestly I don’t know if I like him or I just feel nothing much and just leading him on like an asshole. If I need to provide some more info or anything let me know, thank you for reading this.