Feeling nauseous around Parents and house

*TW* : Mention of SH

It used to be constant before (a year back or so). Everytime my mother would burst into my room, I would get so scared that my heart hurts and I feel like vomiting and my eyes start tearing up. Especially when she's angry, I can't even handle it. My hands freeze and I can barely hold anything and I get so sick. And most of the time, she's the reason that I keep resorting to SH. And she's the reason I keep going back to it.

My father, I just feel awkward and out of place. He cares more about work than family. He gets us anything we want, but then, there's no connection there.

I feel as if I can't breath in this house and everytime they leave for work, I get so relieved and the thought of having to stay at home with them scares me so much.

Ive brought it up to my Therapists but they're response make me feel as if nothings wrong. They keep urging me to communicate with them and be near them.

But touching them or being near just makes me feel disgusted no matter how hard I'm trying.

I feel mentally stuffy whenever I'm in this house or even near my parents. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I'm overreacting.

They've hit me multiple times until around four years ago but they don't remember. My mother's told me that she never should've given birth to me but everyone keeps saying it's just because she's stressed. She keeps saying hurtful things and then acts as if her words don't hurt me.

It's so confusing, one second she's nice and the next she's angry, you can't tell. Even my parents relationship is confusing.

I don't know what to do. I'm just tired.