Has anyone had to adjust to the idea of an open relationship?

A few weeks ago my wife was talking to me at dinner, after our son left the room. She mentioned that our neighbors had opened their marriage. In our current situation, and in my current psychological state, being told this news sounded suspiciously like an attempt to get a reaction to the idea, to get a feel for my attitude about such an arrangement. I admit that I probably read too much into it, and that it could’ve just been gossip, but the mention has become stuck in my mind.

I don’t want to open our marriage. Plainly, I just want her to want me and nobody else. I want to be the guy for her. I guess that’s the tricky thing about monogamy; sometimes people want others, and that urge has to be tempered. I would want to at least want to be in first place by a wide margin. For my part, I really don’t want anyone else than her. At my age, attraction to other women feels more like appreciating art in an exhibition than an urge. The only thing that matters to me is getting back my connection with my wife.

Right now I don’t know how she feels about the state of things, and we definitely need to have a talk. Not knowing where we are headed has filled my mind with questions, some about whether non monogamy is inevitable. I feel like ENM is a valid choice for some couples. I don’t know exactly what defines the ethical part of that, but I do not believe a situation where one partner agrees to NM in exchange for keeping the relationship together is ethical. It sounds like coercion.

That brings me to the questions. Have any of you faced that choice? Or any other situations where you felt like you had to accept non monogamy? How did you cope? Were you able to adjust your feelings about the situation? How well did the arrangement work?

As I am now, there is no part of me that wants to date. My self esteem is too low, I have let myself go, the prospects are frightening, and I just want my wife back.