Men who were cheated on, did you ever project onto the next girl who didn’t deserve it?

I’m not sure if this is the appropriate page or not, so please forgive me if it’s not relevant. I don’t know much about this subject, but I do know that my previous partner, even though we never really officially dated, had a sort of resentment towards me that I never really understood. We had a previous dispute, but we worked really hard to overcome it before exploring our relationship romantically. For this reason, I stuck around and was patient while he said he was too busy to explore a romantic relationship at the time. He also hinted that he had been cheated on in the past, and I never pushed him to talk about it. He never really offered more information beyond the infidelity.

Years later, I find out that he was with her the whole time. Well, we didn’t officially date. I waited for him for two years. I went on two dates within two years with separate people attempting to move forward, but to me, I didn’t feel right. A different ex kept trying to rekindle also, but I never entertained the matter beyond going to the local farmers market. Also, whenever I would give him space or tell him I couldn’t be friends with him, it seemed like he wouldn’t let me go either. I felt the original man loyalty, especially after he was hurt by someone else I felt like I owed him that.

Now I can see he really probably wasn’t just that interested but we opened up to each other about really deep feelings and conversations. Things we each haven’t told anyone else. I know it’s hard for men to be vulnerable, so I thought it him opening up was his attempt at trying to let me in and building something for the future. Again, he said things were too busy to focus on a relationship.

My question is this: for those of you who had been cheated on pretty harshly in the past, do you think that maybe it affected your next relationship? Did you ever think about the effect that had on her? Did you ever apologize?

I’m just currently struggling to figure out why I deserved it. It seemed like I was being punished for what she did, and he was rewarding the girl who hurt him to begin with. That’s what I’m really struggling to wrap my mind around… this whole thing has made me deeply insecure, and I fear that he’ll date somebody in our circle, treat her well, and I’ll have to watch all of it all over again. I don’t know if I can handle that. When he was pushing me away for the final time, he called me pathetic and I just can’t get it out of my head & feel so ashamed that I waited around for someone who in hindsight clearly didn’t want me back. I have to see this person relatively often and I’ll take any advice that anyone has to offer.

Do I have my own RJ because of the situation?