PLEASE SAVE ME... I have been an addict since I was a 12-year-old boy. Now, I'II be 18 within a few months.

Please read the entire body to understand my current situation.

I have been curious about sexuality since I was a kid.
Unfortunately, I came across soft porn ( ads) during the pandemic. Since then, I discovered masturbation, and it has continued to this date. When I was 14-15 years old, I became addicted to masturbating twice a day. Though I took control over it and reduced it to once a day, I could not quit it.

I have been able to stop it for a maximum of 20-25 days, when I first entered a relationship. Whenever I end up masturbating with porn, I feel extremely tired, which affects my studies and daily tasks. I have read several posts and surfed the internet regarding quitting pornography, even tried journalling, but I still couldn't get rid of it.

I cannot approach a therapist as my parents don't know about it, and it is considered quite taboo in my locality. Please help me, as I am fed up with making false promises to myself. It has affected my passive retention capacity along with my reading comprehension.

My situation differs from the posts which I've read in the following manner:

I have friends at school. My teachers and parents have a lot of expectations from me; I'm not completely bad at my studies either ( I'm among the top 10 per cent of my school), but I feel this pornography has affected my overall capacity.

Recently, this problem has been troubling me a lot. I'm unable to talk confidently with my female friends and teachers. I don't have any sexual thoughts about them, but Idk why I feel shy and embarrassed while talking to them. My competitive exam (like LNAT) is approaching, and I'm very afraid that pornography and masturbation might take me away from my dreams.

Help me please.

Forgive me for any grammatical errors.