My FP will be the end of me 🤦

My FP is a family member of someone I used to be friends with. I was obsessed, we went on one date, devaluation hit and I skedaddled. But we stayed friends, saw eachother at events occassionally, messaged every few months etc.

We've fallen into a cycle. He messages after months of silence, we talk, we get more intense, then he goes silent. It destroys my mental health every time. Months go by and the cycle starts again. I tried blocking his number but he hunt me down somewhere else.

We spoke for the entirety of July, after four months of silence. Four months of my mental health being the best it has been in a long time! Throughout July we messaged constantly...then the messages started getting further apart and his words were less flirtatious. I couldn't handle it. I had other stresses going on too, and was thrown into a really bad period of mental health. Disassociation, involuntary age regression, thoughts of harming myself, and the worst ED relapse I've ever had.

I waited for him to respond so that I could ghost him. That was July 25th.

Since then he's messaged me 7 times. It seems that because I've pulled away this time, he's the one scrambling, rather than vice versa. He's not a double texter usually...let alone a septuple texter.

Honestly, I think he might have similar issues to me. I don't wanna armchair diagnose anyone, but I can see similarities in our behaviours.

I saw him at an event 1.5 years ago and have yearned for him since. But he's in a relationship, so I'd never tell him. Plus, I don't trust myself to not run away again even if he was single.

Sigh. This is a mess.